


honey you should know

by Ninyaaaaaaah



Series: honey [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Abuse Mentions, Alcohol, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Background Hamliza, F/F, Fluff, M/M, Multi, PTSD, Past Cheating, Past physical abuse, Slow Burn, background laurette, drunk shenanagins, past emotional abuse, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-26 01:14:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 30,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14391072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninyaaaaaaah/pseuds/Ninyaaaaaaah
Summary: Maria has a whole new life ahead of her, but will making new friends open old wounds?(idk summaries are lame and I suck)





	1. Chapter 1

Maria stirs her tea, steam rising from the warm, brown liquid in the cup. She pulls the spoon from the mug and sticks it in her mouth, hot metal against her tongue, the last lingering taste of honey and bergamot melting slow and sweet over her taste buds. She closes her eyes, lets the warm metal sit in her mouth, grasps these small moments of peace with two small, fierce hands and holds on tight whenever she can. 

Her feet ache and her back aches and her head aches and she wants nothing more than to wash the night off and lie down. 

She checks the clock, spoon still resting against her tongue. Two more hours and she gets to go home. Two more hours that feel like eternity. 

She rolls her stiff neck and shrugs her shoulders. Lets go of her small moment of peace and lets her mind return to a whirlwind of cocktail drinks and turns around, spoon still in her mouth. 

Turns around, just in time to see a girl she’s never seen before walk into the bar. Slim and willowy, with jet black hair in loose curls and brown skin that glows warm in the dim light of the bar. 

Maria can’t help but stare a little, honey brown eyes wide in their smokey, dark makeup. 

Maria watches her sidle up to the bar and slide onto a bar stool, all calm, all confidence. 

Maria almost melts into the floor when she turns a million watt smile -complete with perfect dimples- on her. 

“Hi, can I, um…” she seems five years younger the moment she opens her mouth, and Maria melts. “Can I have… you know what, what’s your favourite?” 

Maria starts to speak, and realizes she still has a spoon in her mouth. 

She blushes, and pulls the spoon out of her mouth. She tosses it carefully in the sink before looking right at this girl, this beautiful, warm skinned girl who is looking at her like she expects a revelation, and Maria-

Maria doesn’t know what to do when someone looks at her like that. Maria doesn’t know what to do when someone looks at her like she’s a person and not an object. 

She blushes deeper, ruby red in her cheeks and the aftertaste of honey and bergamot on her tongue. 

“Um. What do you like?” Maria asks, her own voice low and smokey and unsure. 

The girl at the bar giggles and tosses her hair over her shoulder, those dark, dark eyes sparkling with amusement and joy. 

“I asked what _you_ like,” she says, leaning her chin on a long, elegant hand. 

Maria wipes down the wet, steel counter with a threadbare rag. She glances up again, catches those gorgeous eyes still looking right at her. 

“I’m boring, I usually just drink wine, or jack and coke,” Maria admits. She fiddles with the loose handle on one of the cabinets below the bar, and steals a glance out of the corner of her eye. 

“Hmm. I’m not much for either of those unfortunately. Make me something fun?” And she leans in, like her smile, her eyes, her dimples are all just for Maria and Maria alone. 

Maria can’t breathe for it, feels suddenly too aware of her own skin. Too aware of how the thin sheen of sweat on the back of her neck makes the fine baby hairs curl and frizz, too aware of how she moves, the reach of an arm, the tilt of her head. She can’t remember the last time she felt like her body was home, and when someone looks at her like that, really looks at her… it only amplifies it. 

Maria turns around, and she feels like she's being watched and it makes her skin shiver. She takes a deep breath and looks at the spoon on the counter and thinks about how calm she felt, just a few moments ago.

Shaking it off, she pulls down a glass and sucks her lower lip into her mouth as she works, tequila and lime and whatever else goes in a margarita, fix this later. She presses the button on the blender and watches the ice and alcohol blend into a frothy lime green drink. There's something satisfying about it, something that grounds and centers her again.

She pours the slush into the glass, garnishes it with a yellow paper umbrella, a slice of lime, and a straw, and slides it across the bar.

"One margarita, with an umbrella so you can pretend you're anywhere but here," Maria says, and it comes out a little flirtier than she meant it, and she ruins it by blushing a little bit and dropping her eyes.

"Hey that's my name," the girl on the other side of the bar tosses her head back with a delighted laugh, so carefree, so at home in her own skin. It's all Maria can do not to stare. It's all Maria can do to force herself to look up through her long lashes.

"No way," Maria says shyly.

"Yes way, but I go by Peggy," Margarita says, as she takes a sip of her margarita, dark eyes sparkling.

Maria can't remember what it feels like to be able to breathe.

"Peggy," Maria repeats, tasting the word on her tongue. There's something intimate about it, the soft weight of it inside her mouth, and she wants to taste it again and again and again. Bergamot and honey and the soft weight of Peggy's name.

"Yeah. What's yours?" Peggy leans in again, and Maria can't help it, she's captivated.

"Maria," she answers, ducks her head again, worries a spot on her lower lip with her teeth.

"Thank you," Peggy's voice softens, and she sits back a little bit, and Maria feels at once relieved and bereft at the distance between them. "You can have the umbrella back, though, if you need it. I just got here, I don't want to pretend I'm somewhere else." She pulls the umbrella out of the drink and sucks the pointed end clean. Twirls it between her fingers and offers it across the bar, back to Maria.

Maria reaches out and takes it, looks at the little yellow umbrella with its pink flower pattern and feels something a little like heartbreak.

She tucks it into her ponytail and smiles up at Peggy, her public smile, bright and shiny and alluring.

"Thanks. You know, right now, I don't think I want to be anywhere else," she says, and she's surprised to find she means it.

Peggy grins, and Maria bites her lower lip again, surprised at her own daring, trembling behind her plush lips and worrying teeth and traitorous hands.

"Hey! What's it take to get a drink down here?" Someone shouts from the other end of the bar.

Peggy rolls her eyes and shakes her head a little, and Maria has to swallow a little grin, like she and Peggy are co-conspirators.

She turns away, heads down the bar to fix a drink for a tall man with an obnoxious purple leather jacket, all batted eyelashes and put on pout. She sways her hips and lets her body curve and dip as she works, knows it pulls in the tips.

She doesn't think about it, lets her body take over and falls into the rhythm of mixing drinks and taking orders, worrying the chapped spot on her lower lip and longing for the taste of honey and bergamot and Peggy's name. She lets the chink of ice in glass soothe her, the slim necks of the bottles cool under her fingers. There's something meditative about it, once she lets the noise and fuss slip away. The familiarity of mixing drinks, the safety of being behind the high bar, the mask of heavy makeup and low cut shirts and pouty lips, currency she's known how to trade in for countless years now.

By the time she has a moment to breathe again, Peggy is gone.

Maria tries to swallow the disappointment that stings surprisingly strong, and picks up the bills Peggy left behind. She slides them into her billfold without paying too much attention, clears Peggy's glass away.

Doesn't think too much more about it until the end of the night when the lights are off and the barstools up and she's sitting in the backroom sipping a bergamot and chamomile tea and doing the thing. She counts out the bills and coins from her apron, and pauses when a small slip of paper falls from between two bills.

She picks it up, can't help but smile a little bit.

_Thanks for the Margarita. Call me? 999.999.9999_

Maria lets her fingers linger on the little slip of paper, shakes her head a little bit at the impossibility of it all, and tucks the paper into her bra for safe keeping.

~*~

Later, lying on her back on the couch in the dark, Maria thinks of the scrap of paper she tucked into her wallet alongside her tips, sitting in her purse beside the couch. She pulls the worn comforter to her chin and lets the scent of thyme and rose calm her racing thoughts.

Her fingers tremble at the thought of Peggy, so vivacious and alive and full of sparkle. Noticing her, of all people.

People aren't supposed to notice Maria, not really.

It feels so strange when they do.

Still.

She scrolls idly through her phone, the light from the screen bright in the darkness. Thinks about texting Peggy. Thinks about calling her. Thinks about fingers on lips and lips on lips and lips over teeth and teeth on necks.

Thinks about racing hearts and bruises.

Puts her phone down and rolls over, her face to the back of the couch, the blanket up to her ear.

Waits, with her breath held, and hopes for sleep to come.


	2. Chapter 2

Mornings are Maria's favourite time of day.

She wakes early, tousled and sleep deprived, her bones heavy with the weight of sleep. She gets up and stretches and folds up the blanket, sets it and the pillow neatly on one corner of the couch.

She gets dressed, jeans and a tank top and a baggy hoodie, and sets the blanket and pillow on top of her suitcase, tucked neatly into the corner of the living room. She tugs her long curls up into a messy knot on top of her head and secures it with an overworked hair elastic.

There's something comforting about it, her private little morning ritual that lets her feel grounded and safe in this place that's not her home.

By the time Theodosia pads barefoot and disheveled into the livingroom, Maria is in the kitchen whisking pancake batter. The coffee pot is on and brewing behind her, and if she closes her eyes she imagines this is what home should feel like.

"God, you're too good to us girl. What am I gonna do without you?" Theodosia closes her eyes and breathes deep, lets out a satisfied sound at the smell of coffee in the early morning air.

Sunlight streams through the windows, and Theodosia is dressed in pyjama pants and a tank top and her hair is everywhere and she looks as incredible as she always does and Maria's heart skips a beat at the proof that some people just feel that _alive_ without even noticing it.

Then Aaron joins them, half dressed with his belt undone and his shirt unbuttoned and a big yawn cracking his jaw.

Theodosia tuts at him and pulls him to her, straightens him out with practiced fingers.

Maria turns away from their easy intimacy, something tender shivering underneath her skin.

She pours pancake batter into the waiting pan, chews at her lower lip, and watches the batter pool out into three round cakes.

"You know you don't have to get up when we do, Maria. We know you work late," Aaron says.

He steps around her to open the fridge, gets out a carton of orange juice and brings it to the table.

"I know," Maria says quietly.

She slides the spatula beneath the pancakes, flips them one by one.

"We just want you to be comfortable, honey," Theodosia says.

"I am, truly," Maria looks up then, gives Theodosia a small smile. "You don't know how much it means to me, to be able to stay."

"No, sweetheart, you're a blessing to have here," Theodosia answers.

Aaron doesn't say anything, but there's something soft at the corners of his mouth, in his eyes, and Maria knows he doesn't mind having her here, even if he wasn't the one who'd suggested it.

Maria turns her attention back to the pan on the stove. She flips the first batch out, stacks them neatly on a plate, and pours more batter in. She listens to it sizzle, watches the batter spread and then stop.

"Come sit, Aaron can take over," Theodosia says.

"I'm alright," Maria protests. Watches bubbles pop in the batter, waiting for them to stay open, the little holes telling her it's time to flip.

"Aaron," Theodosia says, a little sharp, a little playful.

Maria stills, something cold running down her spine.

"Let Maria sit down, come on," she's teasing Aaron, Maria knows, but even that sliver of sharpness sticks in between her ribs and makes it hard to breathe. 

Aaron holds out his hand to Maria, and waits. He gives her space, treats her like she might break if he steps too close. 

Truth is, she might. 

She resents it and she needs it all at once. 

“Spare me my wife’s wrath, please,” he says, beseeching. His warm brown eyes are liquid and pleading, corners of his mouth turned up with mirth, and Maria’s heart sings and it cracks and the sunlight streams in and she’s not sure how everything can feel so good and hurt so much all at once. 

She gives him the spatula. 

“Thank you,” he says, like she’s the one who’s doing him a favour. 

Maria picks up the plate of pancakes and pads over to the small kitchen table, bare feet against cool tiles. 

She sits down, just fitting beneath the large spider plant that hangs from the ceiling and spills joyously out of its pot. 

She wonders if everything blossoms like that in sunlight and love. 

The morning settles around Maria’s shoulders like a blanket, sunlight and the smell of coffee, the quiet sounds of cooking and eating and routine soothing her somewhere deep under her bones. She thinks that maybe this is what home is supposed to feel like.

Maria pulls her feet up onto her chair and tucks her knees close to her body. Hugs her mug of tea and sips it, jasmine and honey with a splash of milk, just the way she likes it.

She lets the morning move around her until it falls into stillness with the sound of Aaron’s key in the lock. 

Silence falls, and Maria sits with it for a long moment, sipping the last of her cold tea. 

She stretches into the silence, feels like an intruder in the empty apartment even more without Theo or Aaron here to remind her that it’s okay, she’s allowed to exist here, to relax here. 

So she washes the dishes and tidies the kitchen, and she sweeps the floors and runs the vacuum and dusts and straightens the living room, and then she curls back up in a corner of the couch and regards the silent apartment warily. 

All around her is serenity, and Maria doesn’t know what to do with it. 

She thinks about Peggy’s smile again, and about the scrap of paper in her wallet. She imagines a thousand different scenarios in which she picks up her phone and dials that phone number, but none of them are this one, and all of them are different versions of her. So instead she lies on her back and hooks her legs over the arm of the couch, and she twirls a yellow paper umbrella between her thumb and forefinger. 

~*~

Maria thinks about calling Peggy a hundred times, at least. 

She thinks about it when she’s drifting somewhere between sleep and wakefulness on the couch, phone in her hand, the television on low. 

She thinks about it when she wakes up in the evening, phone resting on her chest, fingers brushing the carpet, daylight fading away. 

She thinks about it when she leans against the kitchen counter, waiting for the lasagna to finish cooking, and again while she sits by herself at the kitchen table and eats by herself. None of the morning’s bustle and sunlight to keep her company, just an indecisive fingertip tapping at her phone. 

She thinks about it when she applies her makeup, smokey dark eyeshadow and a pouty red lip. She pulls her hair up into a ponytail and dresses in a form fitting red dress. She wriggles and twists to get the zipper done up, back arching as she tugs it the last few inches. Deep breath, smooths her hands down her thighs, fingertips meeting bare skin far too soon. 

Her fingertips brush a fading bruise, and they tremble for a moment and she closes her eyes. 

She tugs the hem of the dress back down, James’ voice echoing in her ears, and she has to sit down on the edge of the bathtub and grip the cool porcelain. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she whispers to herself, voice a little cracked and desperate. 

She tilts her head back, focuses on the way her heavy ponytail falls down her back, the way the tub slowly warms under her hands, the cool tile under her bare feet. She opens her eyes and stares at the ceiling and tries to stop the trembling. She takes deep breaths and thinks about the way her lungs inflate inside her ribs. Thinks about the miracle that is her body, and the way it still carries her forward with unquestioning faith. Like she hasn’t let it down time after time again. Like she’s strong enough to be worthy of it. 

Slowly, her breathing quiets and she blinks and sits up straight, curls her toes against the smooth, cool floor, and stands up. She tugs the hem of her dress down again, plucks the spare hair tie on her wrist so it snaps gently against her skin. 

“Come on, girl,” she says to herself under her breath. 

It still takes her a moment to open the bathroom door, to slip her feet into a pair of black flats with non slip soles, to pick up her purse and square her shoulders and walk out the door. 

She locks the door behind her and sends Theodosia a quick text as she rides the elevator down to the street. 

**Maria:** Lasagna waiting in the oven, should still be warm when you get home! 

**Theodosia:** you’re a life saver!

Maria hesitates before tucking her phone away, thinks again of Peggy’s brilliant smile, and shakes her head at herself. 

 

~*~

 

Days and nights have a new rhythm that’s not so different from before, but it feels like another life entirely to Maria. 

She tries to exist in as little space as possible in Theo and Aaron’s small apartment. Does everything she can to repay them for letting her stay. She cooks and cleans and tries not to worry, tries not to tremble, tries not to think about how long it’s been and how she hasn’t moved out yet. 

She thinks Theo means it when she says she wants her to stay forever, at least on some level. 

She thinks Aaron means it when he says she’s welcome to stay as long as she needs to. 

But that could change, and she never forgets it, knows there will come a day when she’s overstayed her welcome, despite Theo and Aaron’s assurances that she’s not, she hasn’t, she won’t. 

They’ll want their couch back eventually. 

 

~*~

 

Bergamot and honey. 

Maria closes her eyes and lets the spoon sit on her tongue, bar mostly empty for the moment. It’s late, and she’s started tidying behind the bar. She relishes the late night routine, the quiet that fills her head as she cleans and wipes down tables and counters, puts stools up, straightens the bottles and runs all the glassware through the wash. Her apron is comfortably heavy against her thighs, slightly longer than the black dress that fits like a second skin. 

She daydreams of sunlight and beaches, of summers that were more sun, more play. Less night time, less counting coins in a dirty back room. She lets her mind wander, hums to herself under the music, tries to wish herself away just like hundreds of thousands of times before. 

“When I left my phone number behind, I was hoping you would text me,” Peggy’s voice startles Maria out of her reverie. 

She whirls, spoon still in her mouth, her skin prickling. She hates being surprised, hates the rush of hot and cold through her body. 

“That’s a good look for you,” Peggy gestures at the spoon, grinning brightly. 

Maria can’t help but laugh as she plucks the spoon from her mouth and tosses it in the sink. 

“Hi Peggy,” she says, a little shy, a little blushing. She’s glad the dim, red lighting of the bar hides it. 

“Seriously. I’m new to this city, it’s great, I love it and all, but like… it’d be nice to have a friend. I need someone to show me around and keep me company while Herc’s at work. Besides, he’s going to get so sick of me just hanging out on his couch and whining that I’m bored. Do a hard working man a favour, and text me, pretty please?” Peggy chatters on brightly, and Maria is left scrambling to catch up. 

“Um…” she manages, a little shell shocked. 

“Cherry on top?” Peggy leans forward, pouting prettily, and Maria can’t help it, she’s charmed from head to toe. She laughs, and nods.

“Okay, okay, I’ll text you,” She acquiesces, caught up in Peggy’s infectious smile. 

“Promise?” Peggy asks. 

Maria nods, still smiling. 

“Promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

Maria keeps her promise. 

She lies on her back in the dark, blankets tucked up to her armpits, phone in her hand. The light from the screen is harsh on her eyes with all the lights off. Her body feels heavy, feet aching, but her mind buzzes awake in the dark. 

Finally, lower lip gripped in her teeth, Maria taps out a text.

 **Maria:** Hi Peggy. It’s Maria.

She wants to say more, but she doesn’t know what to say, how to begin building a friendship with a bright eyed girl. She hasn’t had friends in so long, not since before James. She doesn’t know what it would be like, to have someone to laugh with, to spend time with, someone she doesn’t owe anything to… 

Her phone chimes softly in the dark, and she jumps, nerves making her skin prickle. 

**Peggy:** I like a girl who keeps her promises. How was the rest of your night?

Maria feels warm all over. She smiles, and reads Peggy’s reply a few times before typing out her own. 

**Maria:** Quiet, what about yours? 

**Peggy:** Lonely! When’s your next day off?

 **Maria:** Tuesday

 **Peggy:** Perfect! You can show me around! 

**Peggy:** Pick me up at 11? 

**Peggy:** Does that give you enough time to sleep in? 

**Peggy:** I’ll text the address on Tues? 

**Peggy:** Herc will be at work already by then and I’ll be soooooo bored. 

**Peggy:** I can’t wait to see you! 

Maria blinks at the barrage of text messages, peppered through with exclamation marks. She reads them through again, chewing at her lower lip. 

**Maria:** That’s perfect :) 

**Peggy:** Yay! We’re going to have the best time! 

**Peggy:** Get some sleep though, god, I’m keeping you up. Sweet dreams xo

 **Maria:** Good night :)

She sets her alarm and plugs her phone into the charger. Turns over to face the back of the couch and tugs the blanket up to her ears. 

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, counting to seven on the inhale like Theo taught her. The silence of the apartment washes over her, seeps slowly into her skin and quiets her heart, her over active nerves. 

Maria counts her breathing, keeps her eyes closed, lets herself relax into the stillness in increments, Theo and Aaron long asleep in their bedroom. If she listens hard, she can hear the faint sound of someone snoring softly, the soft hum of electronics, the ever present noise of the city many stories below. It’s all familiar now, like a heartbeat, all the motions of a city that never really sleeps, and the moments of quiet snatched within it. 

It kept her awake, at first. The silence, the stillness. She didn’t know how to exist within such a peaceful space. 

Still doesn’t, but it gets easier if she focuses on something simple. 

The count of a breath. 

In, out.

Sleep.

 

~*~

 

The next three days are a blur.

Maria settles more and more into her new life every day, gets used to Aaron and Theo’s rhythms, makes their lives easier in every way she can. She dusts and sweeps and vacuums and tidies, she cooks and washes the dishes and goes grocery shopping and tries desperately to exist in as small a space as possible. 

Nights are busy at the bar on the weekend, and her shifts pass in a blur of drinks made, orders taken, tips collected. 

She watches the number in her bank account slowly creep upwards. 

After breakfast on Sunday morning, Aaron sits down with her at the kitchen table, and begins to teach her about managing finances. She hangs on every word, tries to remember everything he says so she doesn’t have to ask him questions, take up more of his time. He’s endlessly patient with her, and it damn near makes her cry. 

“You should start thinking about your future, Maria,” he says, gently, over dinner on Monday. 

That does make her cry, and she excuses herself from the table, bumping her shin in her hurry, apologizing profusely as she flees to the bathroom. 

She sits on the edge of the tub and drives the heels of her hands into her eyes and grits her teeth and tells herself to stop crying, stop crying dammit. 

She’d known she couldn’t stay here forever. Of course she had. 

She just needed more time. 

A soft tap on the door, and Theo’s soft voice calling her name. 

Theo doesn’t wait for a response, just cracks the door open and slips inside. Closes it again behind herself quietly. She sinks to her knees in front of Maria and places her hands gently on Maria’s knees. 

Maria flinches at the touch, and takes a deep, shuddering breath. 

“Maria, honey, what’s the matter?” Theo asks, her voice gentle. 

“I-I, I’m sorry, I can’t, I can’t move out yet, I’m sorry,” Maria sobs, doesn’t know how she’ll afford a place yet, isn’t ready to stand on her own, to have that much space around her. 

“Oh, oh sweetheart no,” Theo reaches up and gently tugs Maria’s hands from her face, threads their fingers together even though Maria’s hands are wet with tears. 

Maria blinks in surprise, trembling all over and aching with a bone deep sense of inevitability.

“Come here baby, we aren’t asking you to leave, I promise,” Theo says, her soft voice soothing and gentle. She gives Maria’s hands a gentle tug, smiles her soft smile.

“You’re not?” Maria asks, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Theo shakes her head.

“No honey, we just want you to have the best life that you can, and we want to help you get there, that’s all.” Theo rugs at Maria’s hands again, and Maria gives in to her coaxing and slips off the edge of the tub, folds herself into Theo’s arms like she’s a child, and buries her face in Theo’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whispers, shaking like a leaf. 

Theo smooths her hand down Maria’s back, rocks her a little, shushes her gently. 

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay. Aaron only meant to offer to help, however we can,” Theo says, reassuring. 

Maria inhales, holds her breath, lets it out again slow. 

“This is a safe place for you Maria, I promise,” Theo says gently, and it nearly undoes Maria all over again. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, and takes a deep, shaky breath as her tears subside. 

“That’s it.” Theo strokes down Maria’s back. 

Maria sits back and pulls the end of her sleeve over her hand. Uses it to scrub the tears from her face, and smiles sheepishly at Theo. 

“Sorry for overreacting,” she says. 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Theo replies with a small smile of her own. 

Maria bites back another apology, and just nods. She takes another shaky breath, and pokes her finger through a small hole in her sleeve. She feels all loose ends, all frayed edges, all rattled pieces that don’t quite fit together. 

“Ready to go back to dinner?” Theo asks. She stands, and holds her hands out to Maria. 

Maria takes a deep breath, and she nods. She takes Theo’s hands and lets Theo pull her to her feet. She self consciously tucks her hair behind her ears, and tugs the ends of her sleeves down over her fingertips. 

Theo wraps an arm around her and tugs her close, and Maria melts into the casual touch, breath catching in her throat for a split second before she relaxes completely, and lets Theo steer her back out into the kitchen. 

“Maria,” Aaron starts, brow creased with concern. He’s sitting right where he was when Maria left, food untouched, looking helpless. 

“Aaron-” Maria sits back down and sits on her hands, and she’s uncomfortable and nervous and she can feel herself starting to tremble again as Theo lets her go to sit back down. 

“No, I’m sorry, I should have thought before I spoke. I didn’t mean anything other than that I want to help you reach your goals. When you’re ready, Maria,” Aaron says as he picks his fork back up. 

Maria lets out the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding, and she picks up her fork too. 

“Okay. Thank you, Aaron,” she replies, and drops her gaze back to her meal. 

She can’t help but feel a little relieved when she leaves for work that night, tight dress and makeup on, the promise of familiarity waiting at the bar for her return.


	4. Chapter 4

The walk to Peggy’s apartment is a welcome respite from the quiet of Aaron and Theodosia’s apartment. She breathes in the early spring air, wants to stretch her arms out and up to the sky as if she could touch the clouds. Wants to reach with her fingertips and take up space and let the sun that peeks through the clouds know that someone sees it, someone is glad it’s there. 

Instead, she tucks her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket and hunches her shoulders. She lets her chin tuck into the soft, cream coloured fleece at the collar, glad for the warmth against the chill breeze. She walks with her head down, tries not to catch the passing glances of strangers, lets her long curls fall in a protective curtain around her face. 

By the time she reaches the apartment she’s rosy cheeked and slightly breathless. She looks up at the faded yellow brick, the peeling paint on the black trim around the windows and balconies. It’s so different from the clean newness of the building Aaron and Theo live in, all gray and glass and sleek modern architecture. 

Different still from the low rise building she lived in with James, all noise and bustle and dirty red brick, drafty windows and watermarked ceilings. 

Maria takes a deep breath and tries to swallow the nervousness in her belly. She pulls open the door and steps into a lobby that is clean and well maintained, if a bit shabby. 

She dials Peggy’s unit number on the keypad, and nearly jumps out of her skin when the door buzzes loudly as it unlocks, even though she was expecting it. 

She hurries through and pulls the door closed, breathing a deep sigh of relief when the noise stops and she’s left in quiet again. 

In the elevator, she looks at her reflection in the mirror, wide eyes and pink cheeks and lips chapped from worrying. She applies a hurried coat of Burt’s Bees lip balm, honey scented, and toys with the end of one of her curls. 

When the elevator slows to a stop, Maria takes another deep breath before she steps out into the hallway. She walks down the hall, carpeted in lush, dark floral print like an old hotel, the smell of fresh paint lingering in the air. 

She knocks lightly on Peggy’s apartment door, steps back, and waits. 

She hears a crash from somewhere inside, soft swearing, and running footsteps. 

The sound of a body crashing into the door startles Maria and she takes a step back. She hears the chain slide back and drop, and then the door flings wide open, crashing into the hallway wall, and Peggy spills out into the hallway. 

She’s wearing one sock, a skin tight pair of short shorts, and a black knit sweater that falls off one shoulder. 

She reaches up and brushes her hair back from her face with a hand that’s lost somewhere in the sleeve of the sweater, and grins a million watt grin at Maria. 

“Hi! You made it!” She chirps, and flings her arms around Maria in a tight hug that drives the breath from Maria’s lungs and startles her badly.

“I totally lost track of time, come on in, I’ve got to get changed still, god I’m a mess,” Peggy turns and steps back into the apartment, leaving the door wide open for Maria to follow. 

Maria blinks, a little awestruck, and steps inside. 

She shuts the door behind her, relieved to see that it hasn’t left a mark on the wall, and toes off her boots before following Peggy down the hall into a small living room. 

“Uh, just… push some shit off of something, or something, and make yourself at home! Do you want a drink? There’s probably something in the fridge, help yourself,” Peggy babbles on, and drops to the ground with her feet out to the sides in front of a suitcase that appears to have vomited its contents over every available surface in the apartment. 

Maria looks around hesitantly, eyeing the chaos, before gingerly pushing a pile of bedding and clothing to the side, and folding herself into the corner of the couch. She draws her feet up and wraps her arms around her knees, watching Peggy dig through the suitcase, flinging more clothes everywhere as she does. 

“I, god, living out of a suitcase is the worst, honestly, I don’t know how anyone does it, I can never find anything. Good thing I can just steal Herc’s clothes when I can’t find anything I want of my own… I mean, he didn’t _say_ I could, but, you know,” Peggy tosses a red lace thong over her shoulder and it lands on the back of a chair. 

“Is Herc your boyfriend?” Maria asks timidly. 

“Hmm?” Peggy looks up, meeting Maria’s gaze for a moment, before laughing delightedly. “Oh, no! He’s my sisters’ friend, I’m just living on his couch for a while until I get my bearings, and like, a job, you know? He’s so chill, just wait til you meet him, you’ll love him I know it. I’m uh, not really talking to my sisters right now, but once they get their panties out of knots, I’ll introduce you! Oh, god, wait until you see their friend Gil, he is so fucking hot. Anyway, what was I saying? No, Herc’s not my boyfriend. He has great clothes though!” She flaps the end of one long sleeve at Maria, and turns her attention back to her suitcase. 

“Oh, I see,” Maria can’t help it if her heart sinks a little when Peggy mentions how hot her sisters’ friend is. 

“You know what, I’m just gonna,” Peggy stops mid sentence and tosses a pair of jean shorts and a pair of bright red tights behind her, “is it cold out, Mar?” 

“Uh, no, not too bad? I was a little cold, but it’s bearable,” Maria says. She tucks her fingers into the cuffs of her jacket, soft fleece against her skin. 

“Okay, perfect,” Peggy stands up and kicks the side of her suitcase so the lid falls shut, its contents spilling out all sides. “You don’t mind if I just-” she doesn’t give Maria an opportunity to even realize what’s going on before she’s sliding her shorts down her legs and kicking them away - they land under a side table. 

Maria tries not to look at Peggy’s long legs, and the way the black sweater falls to her mid thighs. She looks, resolutely, out the window at the neighbouring apartment building while Peggy pulls on the red tights and the jean shorts. She can see her wriggling from the corner of her eye, tries not to think about it. 

“Okay. I’m ready,” Peggy says. 

Maria twists back around, takes in the sight of Peggy in bright red leggings, jean short shorts, and the huge sweater that practically drowns her. She sweeps her hair to the side and secures it with a hair elastic, tugs a bright blue, knit scarf off the kitchen island, and loops it carelessly over her shoulders. 

“Herc knit this in, like, two days! Crazy right? Oh! You said you were cold, uh,” Peggy looks around wildly, and grabs another scarf, maroon and cream chevron stripes, and steps in close to Maria, “here, you can borrow this one.” She brushes Maria’s hair back off her shoulders with gentle fingers, and winds the scarf around her neck. 

The gentle brush of fingers on skin sends a thrill through Maria’s body, the hot and cold rush of nerves, followed by warmth that lingers. She manages not to flinch, and stands up as soon as Peggy steps back. She reaches up and strokes a hand down the end of the scarf, soft knit comforting against her palm. It smells faintly of mint and citrus, and Maria tries not to think about how that smell is attached to a man somewhere, who’s scarf she now has wrapped around her neck. 

“Perfect, god you’re cute as a button. Okay, let’s go. Where are we heading? Do you have gloves? Do you need some? I don’t have any, crap,” Peggy tugs on her boot as she talks, hopping down the hall on one foot, and Maria follows calmly after. 

“No, I’m alright,” she says, and can’t help a small flinch of surprise when Peggy nearly falls over. 

“Okay, good.” Peggy leans against the wall to tug her other boot on.

Maria puts her boots on carefully, and follows Peggy out the door. 

Peggy locks up, and they head for the elevator. 

“Isn’t this carpet wild? It’s like, I dunno, I feel like I should be in, like, Victorian wear, or something? In a movie? With a dashing suitor to sweep me off my feet. Where’s my big skirt, and my ruffled umbrella and teeny white gloves?” Peggy chatters. She presses the button for the ground floor with two fingers, and grins brightly at Maria as the elevator starts to move. 

“I’m not sure that carpet is _that_ old,” Maria replies, smiling softly. 

Peggy flaps a dismissive hand. 

“Details. You’re thinking details, I’m talking aesthetic. Get on my level, girl,” she teases, but she’s all smile, all play, and Maria can’t help but feel drawn in. 

“Okay, okay. You’re right, it would look appropriate,” Maria says, and she can’t remember the last time she indulged in such whimsy. 

“So, where are we going?” Peggy bounces on the balls of her feet while the elevator descends, and Maria wonders what it would feel like to exist to exuberantly, to take up space, to move without apology, to indulge in life with abandon… 

“Confession time.” Maria’s heart skips a beat, nerves threatening to overtake her shy smile. “I don’t know this part of town at all.”

Peggy laughs, the elevator dings, and Peggy reaches out and grabs Maria’s hands and tugs her, stumbling and laughing, out of the elevator and out into the street. 

The sun is warm on the sidewalk, and people rush by in every direction, and horns honk on the crowded street, but Peggy’s hands are holding Maria’s, and Peggy is smiling the most brilliant smile. 

“It’s an adventure, then! I bet we’ll find something _amazing_!” Peggy lets go of Maria’s hands and does a twirl, nearly knocking over two men in suits. 

Maria flinches at their muttered curses, their dark looks, but Peggy barely notices, and she’s grabbing Maria by the hands again and she’s laughing and falling gently into Maria’s shoulder, and everything is warm, warm, warm and full of promise.


	5. Chapter 5

“Maria, I’m staaaaaaaaaaarving!” Peggy stumbles into Maria’s side, slides an easy arm around Maria’s waist, drops her head onto Maria’s shoulder, nearly sends them both flying into the street as Maria stumbles and grabs onto Peggy’s sweater and tries to right them both. She lets out a little shriek of surprise, and Peggy laughs wildly.

“Okay, okay! Flinging me into traffic is not a solution for that problem!” Maria holds onto the soft knit of Peggy’s sweater and doesn’t let go, and her cheeks hurt from smiling and her sides hurt from laughing, and she can’t remember if there was ever a day in her life where she’s had this much fun. 

The sun is setting on the city, bathing the streets in deep golds and reds, and Maria’s fingers are cold and her nose is cold and her cheeks are flushed. She’s gotten used to Peggy’s hands and Peggy’s arms and Peggy’s cheek, the constant ebb and flow of touch and touch and touch. She’s gotten used to the smell of the city in springtime, and Peggy’s perfume, and the soft, fading smell of Hercules on her scarf and Peggy’s sweater. 

“Can we go get food?” Peggy whines. 

Maria drops her hands from Peggy’s sweater and stands straight again. Peggy finds her hand and twines their fingers together, and Maria’s breath catches in her throat, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world. 

“Yes, I’m hungry too. What do you want?” Maria gives Peggy’s fingers a little squeeze and ignores the way her heart does a little double take. 

“How about… there!” Peggy points at a sign a few feet down the sidewalk. 

“Sure,” Maria answers with a smile, and her whole world tilts a little as she realizes that in this moment, she’d follow Peggy anywhere she led. 

“Good. You’re my new favourite partner in crime, Maria, honestly,” Peggy gushes as she breaks into a trot, dragging Maria down the street to the restaurant, shopping bags hanging from her free wrist. 

Maria laughs and follows, and marvels at how light she feels, how happy. 

The hostess leads them up a flight of stairs to a small patio, fairy lights strung overhead, heating lamps hung to warm the handful of tables set with white linens. A peach coloured rose sits in a delicate vase in the centre of the table. 

“Wow this is so pretty!” Maria feels like she’s stepped into a fairy tale, and she pauses a moment just to look up at the fairy lights against the darkening sky, to marvel at everything this day unfolded for her, the held-breath weight of such an unexpected gift. 

“It is!” Peggy has her phone out, and she snaps a photo of the rose, of the lights, the view from the patio. “Hold still.” 

Maria’s lips part, just slightly on a caught breath, and she hears the soft click of the phone’s camera, and she looks over at Peggy just as Peggy takes a second photo, and Peggy is grinning from ear to ear, and Maria can’t help but smile back. 

Peggy takes a third picture, and stuffs her phone back into her purse. 

“Couldn’t help it, you’re too pretty. Do you have insta? I’ll tag you!” She sits down as she talks, dumps her shopping bags on the ground. 

“I don’t,” Maria replies. She sits down, pulls Herc’s scarf off and hangs it on the back of the chair so she doesn’t get food on it, and picks up her menu. 

“You drink, right?” Peggy asks, and smiles brightly when Maria nods. “Perfect. Do you like champagne?”

“No,” Maria shakes her head, her memory jarring her out of the happy glow that’s been blooming in her chest all day. “No, sorry, I… no.” 

“All good! White wine? Red?” Peggy carries right on, and Maria shakes off the ghost of a bad memory and smiles a brave smile. 

“Red’s good,” she answers, all soft and timid again. 

“Perfect,” Peggy says brightly, like it wasn’t her third choice, like it’s the perfect answer, and she twists in her chair to flag the waiter. 

Maria takes a steadying breath and calms the trembling in her bones, watches Peggy, joy spilling from every wild edge of her, easy smile lighting the room. Wishes she knew what it felt like to feel like that. 

Peggy orders a bottle of wine, a nice pinot noir. The waiter returns with it, uncorks it at the table, and pours a mouthful into Peggy’s glass. 

“Care to taste it first?” He asks her. 

Peggy glances at Maria, their eyes meeting over the table, and she smiles a smile that looks like it’s meant to be a secret. She picks up her glass with perfectly manicured fingernails - yellow and white polish, with a daisy on the thumb - and offers the glass to Maria. 

“You want to?” She asks. 

Maria reaches out to take the glass, fingers brushing Peggy’s. She lifts it to her nose and inhales, not because she can discern the tiny detailed notes in the wine, but because she wants to savour every moment of this day, and the sun is inching towards the horizon, and Maria wants to make it last. 

She takes a sip, lets the wine wash over her tongue, and swallows. She glances up at the waiter, smiles shyly. 

“It’s great, thank you.”

He nods and pours them both a glass, sets the bottle on the table, and leaves them to decide on dinner. 

“Cheers!” Peggy says with a grin, lifting her glass.   
“Cheers,” Maria clinks her glass with Peggy’s, and takes a sip. 

“To my new partner in crime,” Peggy says, and Maria smiles, warmth flooding her chest. 

The waiter returns to take their food order, butternut sage ravioli with pine nuts in a brown butter sauce for Peggy, and baked gnocchi for Maria. 

“Seriously, this has been the absolute best day, thank you so much. I’ve been so lonely, you honestly saved my life!” Peggy gushes. 

Maria grins and shakes her head. 

“I’m having a lot of fun too Peggy, you don’t have to thank me,” she says. 

“God. Can we do this again soon?” Peggy takes another sip of her wine, and reaches out to stroke the soft petals of the rose. 

“I’d love that,” Maria says with a smile, watching Peggy’s fingers stroke gently over the delicate flower petals, remembering what they felt like tangled with her own.

Maria can’t remember the last time she felt so comfortable, so at ease, with another person. Conversation ebbs and flows like breathing between them, and Maria swears she could listen to Peggy’s cheerful chatter all day long. 

Before long, the sun dips below the horizon line and the sky fills up with far away stars. The servers light candles on the tables, and their food arrives. 

Maria’s first bite of gnocchi is heaven. The browned, melted cheese, perfectly seasoned red sauce, and plump, tender gnocchi practically melt in her mouth, and she can’t help the small sound of pleasure. She doesn’t quite manage not to get stringy cheese on her chin, and she blushes when Peggy starts laughing. 

“Oh my god Maria, you should see your face,” Peggy says, but when Maria looks up at her, there’s something in Peggy’s expression that makes her heart do a backflip and her stomach heat, and she has to drop her gaze again, skin burning hot and cold with hope and fear. 

“Okay, okay, I’m not laughing at you, I swear, you just honestly look like you’ve tasted heaven, is it really that good?” Peggy snags a ravioli with her fork absently, her gaze still on Maria’s face. 

“Mmm, yes, it really is, want to taste?” Maria wipes her chin with her napkin and takes a sip of her wine.

“Of course I do!” Peggy chirps, and then she pops her mouth open expectantly.

Taken aback, it takes Maria a moment to react before she carefully feeds Peggy a bite of her gnocchi. She manages not to get any cheese on Peggy’s chin, thank god, and giggles a little at the pleased face Peggy makes as she chews. 

“Okay, you’re right, it’s that good.” Peggy holds out her forkful of ravioli. “Fair’s fair, open up.”

Maria’s positive her blush goes right from head to toe, but she opens her mouth and closes her eyes, lets Peggy feed her a mouthful of ravioli. She can’t ignore the way her heart skips three beats, and she barely tastes the ravioli, as good as it is, because she’s so aware of Peggy’s hand, and all the gentleness behind that small gesture. 

“Mmm, that’s good too,” she takes another sip of her wine and fiddles with her napkin, never knows what to do with her hands. 

Dinner draws on late into the night, a creme brulee shared between them, tiny spoons dipping into the crunchy top layer and the smooth cream below, sugar and vanilla melting over Maria’s tongue. Still, the night is over far too soon. Maria drops Peggy off and they part on a heartfelt hug and a promise to see each other again soon. 

Maria walks home in silence, hands in her pockets, nose tucked into Herc’s scarf. She breathes in the smell of citrus and sandalwood, mingling with the flowery, fresh scent of Peggy’s perfume, closes her eyes for a moment and imagines a world where she’s surrounded by friends and everything feels soft.


	6. Chapter 6

There’s no greater relief than taking off her flats at the end of a long night at the bar. Maria flexes her foot and spreads her aching toes out on the cool tile of the apartment entranceway. She puts her flats neatly away and pads into the quiet apartment. The kitchen clock reads 3:30am. 

Maria drops her purse beside the couch and goes through the motions of making her bed - pillow, sheets, and blanket tucked neatly onto the couch. Exhaustion weighs heavy on her bones, and for one tempting moment, she considers just climbing into the blankets and going to sleep. Makeup be damned, shower be damned. Sways a little, considering it. 

Considers it, but ultimately drags herself to the bathroom. 

She shuts the door behind her, flicks on the lights, and sets her shower caddy inside the shower door. She always feels bad showering in the middle of the night, but Theo and Aaron swear they don’t hear it. 

Despite her exhaustion, it’s always a relief to strip out of her skin tight dress and pile her hair into a messy bun on top of her head, out of the way. 

She feels sticky with spilled booze and dried sweat, the effects of a long night behind the bar clinging to her skin. It doesn’t have the same residual, stubborn smell that working in a restaurant leaves on her skin, but it’s still a relief to wash it away. 

The silence of the apartment buzzes in her ears after a long night of loud music, and she’s grateful for the dimmer on the lights. 

Brushing her teeth and scrubbing her makeup away with a wipe feels like taking off a mask, and she practically moans with relief when she steps under the hot spray of the shower. The heat soothes her aching body, and now that she’s in the shower, the last thing Maria wants to do is get out. 

She closes her eyes and lets her head fall back, lets the water run over her skin and just soaks it up. It was a bad habit she got into years ago, when she first started waitressing at Sunset Diner all those years ago, underage and desperate. The hot water of the shower at the end of the night was the cue her body needed to let go of the tension, to relax, to destress, to turn off. 

She tries to keep it shorter now, doesn’t want to run Aaron and Theo’s water bill sky high, but she can’t help it. 

It’s the one small pleasure she never deprived herself of, and she relishes it now just the same. Stands under the spray with her eyes closed and lets the water soothe and lull her until her skin is pink and the air is thick with steam. 

Finally, with a gentle roll of her shoulders, Maria lathers up with vanilla bergamot body wash, rinses clean, and steps out of the shower. 

She dries off and slips into soft cotton pj shorts and a tank top, gathers up her stuff and pads quietly back into the living room. She slips under the blankets onto the couch and tugs them up to her chin. Sighs happily as she melts into the wide, comfortable cushions and pillows, enveloped in all the soft sounds and smells that have come to mean safety to her. 

The soft ding of a text message arriving startles her, and she twists to reach for her phone, blinking in the harsh light of the screen. 

**Peggy:** Are you still at work? Are you awake? 

**Maria:** I’m up, what’s up? You okay?

Maria can’t help but smile when Peggy’s name appears on her screen. She’s not usually awake at this time of night, and Maria can’t help it if her default setting is worried. 

**Peggy:** Oh! Yeah I’m fine I had to pee lol, thought I’d see if you were up. I didn’t wake you did I? 

**Maria:** Nope, just got into “bed”

 **Peggy:** God doesn’t sleeping on a couch suck? We’re housing situation twins! 

**Peggy:** ugh okay. Back to sleep. Goodnight princess. 

**Peggy:** Wait. 

**Peggy:** Breakfast tomorrow?

Maria’s smile grows at the barrage of texts from Peggy, and she feels safe and warm and happy, bathed in hope that comes a little easier with every passing day. 

**Maria:** I’d love that. I’ll swing by your place for 9? I get up early anyways. 

**Peggy:** Perfect! Night night! 

**Maria:** night :) 

Maria sets down her phone and turns over, pulls the blankets up to her ears and lets herself drift to sleep. She feels more at peace, more content, than she can remember ever feeling in her life. Wraps the feeling around herself like a blanket, and hopes she never has to let it go.

 

~*~

 

Maria knocks on Herc and Peggy’s apartment door at nine am, steps back to wait. 

“Come in!” Peggy’s holler is deafening even through the closed door, and Maria flinches and has to take a moment to remind herself to breathe before she can bring herself to reach for the doorknob and let herself in. 

“Good morning,” she says softly, toeing off her worn blue converse. 

“I can’t believe I voluntarily agreed to go anywhere this early!” Peggy wails from the kitchen. Her voice is punctuated by a loud clatter, and the sound of splattering liquid. “Oh, shit!” 

Maria blinks, and pads into the kitchen. 

“Careful!” Peggy squeals, and Maria can see why, because there’s orange juice everywhere, the carton and three plastic cups scattered on the floor. 

“Oops,” Maria snags a dish towel off the stove and wipes down the front of the fridge, crouching as she nears the floor. 

“Wait, no, you don’t have to-” Peggy starts to protest, but she’s standing there with her hands in the air like she doesn’t know what to do with them, and she’s dressed in nothing but a sports bra and a pair of oversized sweatpants that Maria suspects may not actually belong to her. She looks flustered, almost genuinely upset beneath her squealing protests, and Maria’s heart goes out to her. 

“I’ve got it hun, go get dressed?” Maria suggests gently. 

“Okay,” Peggy retreats, relief all over her face. 

Maria bites back a grin and picks up the orange juice carton, the three cups. Sets them on the counter. She wipes up the spilled juice, something grounding in the simple motions, the familiarity of setting a home to rights. 

She can hear Peggy clattering around the living room, swearing under her breath. Beyond that, the sounds of music coming from the bathroom, the shower running. Something prickles at the back of Maria’s neck, knowing that Herc is home, but she swallows it down. 

She hums softly to herself as she wets a sponge and wipes down the fridge and the floor, recaps the juice carton and wipes it down too, puts it back in the fridge. She washes the cups and the cereal bowl that’s waiting in the sink, sets them to dry, and wipes down the counters. She gets a little lost in the familiarity of it. 

“You didn’t have to do the dishes! Mariaaaaa!” Peggy’s voice interrupts Maria’s daydreaming with an upset squeal. 

Maria flinches, and she can’t stop her hands from shaking as she finishes wiping down the stove. 

“I got carried away,” she says softly, eyes on a spot on the white stove top that she’s trying to scrub off. 

“Seriously, I don’t think this kitchen has ever looked so good. I should drop the juice more often. You ready to go?” Peggy asks. 

“Just one sec…” Maria scrapes at the spot with her fingernail and it comes loose. She wipes it off with the sponge, rinses the sponge and sets it to dry. “Okay, lets go.”

“You’re too good, honestly. Come on.” Peggy shakes her head a little, and heads into the hall. 

Maria follows her slowly, glances at the living room - there’s even more clothing and shopping bags strewn everywhere, a feat Maria hadn’t known was possible - and slips her feet back into her boots. 

“BYE HERCULES!” Peggy hollers as she tugs her boots on and zips them up over her skinny jeans. 

“CALL YOUR SISTERS!” Herc shouts back from the bathroom. Maria flinches, glancing towards the hallway, tension flooding her body. 

“GET FUCKED!” Peggy yells, and her voice, her smile, are playful, but there’s an edge to her expression, and Maria doesn’t miss the way she rolls her eyes as she pulls a baby pink leather jacket on. She snags a slouchy white knit hat from the shelf in the closet and tugs it on over her hair. 

“Let’s get out of here, Mar,” Peggy huffs. She pulls the door open and Maria follows quickly, wincing when Peggy shuts the door a little harder than necessary, and sticks her tongue out petulantly. 

In the elevator, Peggy slumps against the wall and huffs dramatically before grinning a rueful, lopsided grin at Maria. 

“Why are families the actual worst?” she sighs. 

Maria shrugs helplessly, thinking of her own family, how she was never close with her siblings but she misses her mother, how insurmountably huge the gap between them feels now, after all these years. 

“What’s going on?” She asks anyways, because she can see it crawling under Peggy’s skin, can see how it’s chafing at her. 

“God, it’s so stupid honestly,” Peggy starts, “I didn’t tell anyone I was moving down here, because honestly I’m just so tired of being treated like a baby, you know? My sisters are both so smart and talented and successful and they both live here in the city and they’re doing great and I’m just… no one takes me seriously! Anyways, so, I didn’t want to listen to anyone tell me I was making a mistake, or not thinking things through, or that I couldn’t do it, so I just did it without telling anyone.” 

Maria slips her hands into her pockets and listens, watching the distress and irritation play over Peggy’s expressive face. 

“So, I might have forgotten to tell Daddy, though honestly I’m surprised he noticed that quickly, anyways, he called my sisters and asked if they knew where I was, and they didn’t of course, and then everyone was all worried and everything, so when I showed up at Herc’s door - because let’s be honest, he’s the biggest softie, I knew he’d be the most likely to cave and let me crash,” Peggy giggles and grins conspiratorily, sending something warm through Maria’s veins. 

The elevator dings, and Peggy pauses her rant to bound out into the street, Maria following sedately behind her. 

“Okay, so. I get here, and of course Herc does let me crash, because that’s just who he is as a person-” Peggy threads her arm through Maria’s and tugs her close as they walk down the street in the early spring sun. “-but he’s like, ‘yo, your sisters are freaking out, you should call them!’” 

Maria can’t help but laugh at Peggy’s imitation of Herc’s deep voice.

“But I was like, no, no, cause I wasn’t ready for my bubble to be burst yet, you feel?” Peggy sighs dramatically. 

Maria nods, though she’s not certain she agrees with Peggy’s approach to her adventure. 

“So I just tagged along with Herc next time he went to John and Laf’s place for drinks, cause sure enough the whole gang was there, so I could surprise my sisters. They were pretty mad though, and they got all over my case about it, which I knew they would. So I left, and I haven’t talked to them since.” Peggy ends her story with a shrug. 

Maria chews at her lower lip for a long moment, and gives Peggy’s arm a gentle squeeze. 

“Do you think…” she pauses, and sighs, gaze on the sidewalk. “Maybe they were just worried about you?” She suggests timidly. 

Peggy huffs a loud sigh. 

“I guess,” she says, reluctant. 

“I’m not saying you’re wrong to want some freedom, Peggy,” Maria glances over at Peggy, and drops her gaze quickly back to the ground. “But it sounds like your family really cares about you. Are you really still upset at them?” 

Peggy withdraws her arm from Maria’s, and Maria’s heart sinks. For one heart stopping moment, she fears she’s gone too far, but then Peggy takes her hand instead and twines their fingers together, and Maria’s heart stops for an entirely different reason. 

“I guess not,” she sighs, and lets her head drop to rest against Maria’s for a moment. “Maybe I’m just being stubborn, I just, ugh, I want them to take me _seriously_.”

“Maybe, and feel free to tell me to shut up if you don’t want to hear it, but maybe you can talk to them, and ask for what you need. They may not even realize they’re making you feel like this,” Maria muses, realizing with a little smile that she’s parroting Theo now. 

“Yeah, okay, I guess it’s worth a try. I do miss them. I’ll think about it, okay?” Peggy gives Maria’s hand a little squeeze. 

“Okay,” Maria nods.

“Phew, god. Okay, now that we’ve talked about _that_ , I need the biggest pile of pancakes in New York!” Peggy turns a million watt grin on Maria, and Maria smiles back, and lets herself get swept away on Peggy’s enthusiasm.


	7. Chapter 7

**Peggy:** Happy one month friendiversary!

Maria reads the text at two am on the subway ride home. She can’t help but smile, can’t help the warmth that spreads in her cheeks and feels like comfort, like belonging. Like the gentle glow of being wanted. 

**Maria:** A month already!? Did you wake up just to text me that?

Maria shifts in her seat, holds her tattered tote bag protectively in her lap. She lets her shoulders curve in, hair falling around her face, makes herself smaller and tries not to exist outside of herself. 

Still, she can’t help but beam quietly to herself, Peggy’s texts bouying her for the ride home, the process of getting ready for bed. 

**Peggy:** Yeah! And yeah!

 **Peggy:** Kidding! I always wake up in the middle of the night, just now I have someone to talk to until I fall back asleep!

The subway slides to a stop at Maria’s station, and she gathers her bag, steps quietly out onto the platform.

 **Maria:** Happy one month friendiversary :) 

Maria trots up the stairs and out onto the street. It’s a short walk from here to Aaron and Theo’s apartment, the spring night still crisp. She’s grateful for the cream and burgundy scarf wrapped around her neck, soft wool warm and comforting. 

She can’t believe it’s been a month already, feels like yesterday and years ago, all at once. Peggy drew her out and drew her in, all without Maria really realizing it until now. 

Countless hours spent lounging on the couch at Herc’s apartment, cozy in the middle of Peggy’s happy go lucky disarray. Hours spent watching terrible tv, and eating snacks pilfered from Herc’s cupboards, and listening to Peggy complain as she slowly began to work things out with her sisters. Often, Maria would lie with her head in Peggy’s lap, Peggy’s fingers absently toying with her hair, while Peggy and her sisters talked things out on the phone. 

Those times, Maria would tuck her feet into the cushions and stare at the water stained ceiling, let herself drift in and out on a daydream of contentment and belonging. 

Countless hours spent wandering the city, ferreting out new restaurants to eat at, popping in and out of shops. Hours spent watching Peggy try on clothes, holding her shopping bags, stealing a swipe of her icecream with a dainty tongue. 

Countless touches that Maria relished more and more, each more precious than the one before. A stirring in her heart that was not unfamiliar, and made her quake with fear when she examined it too close. 

Peggy seemed to always be touching her, always drawing her closer, pulling her in with her dark, sparkling eyes, her brilliant smile, her playful laugh. A hand clasped here, a casual arm over shoulders there, and Maria, who hadn’t been touched kindly in so very long… 

Maria melted. 

Now, she steps quietly into Aaron and Theo’s apartment, shuts the door quietly behind herself. She gets ready for bed, lets the familiar routine calm her, relax her tired muscles, soothe her aching bones. 

By the time she tucks herself into her makeshift bed on the couch, she has a new text waiting from Peggy. 

**Peggy:** Soooo, party at Laf and John’s place Friday night - you’re coming. You’ll finally get to meet Herc! And my sisters! Herc’s going right from work, so we can get ready together over here and then walk over together.

 **Maria:** Idk Peggy, are you sure it’s alright? I don’t want to crash… 

Maria feels a flutter of nerves at the idea of going to a party, of meeting all of Peggy’s friends and her sisters all at once, being around the lights and noise of a party without the barrier of her bar for protection. 

**Peggy:** Of course!! Why wouldn’t it be, don’t be silly, of course it’s okay!! Oh, please say you’re coming Mar!

Maria swallows her nerves, types out ‘yes’ even as she’s thinking ‘no’. The last thing she wants to do is disappoint Peggy, her only friend outside of Theo and Aaron,

 **Peggy:** YAY!! We’re gonna have so much fun, I promise, everyone will love you

 **Peggy:** Come over tomorrow? I miss your face.

 **Maria:** You saw me yesterday

 **Peggy:** That’s two whole days! 

Maria bites her lower lip, suppressing a little giggle. She can’t help but be charmed, can’t help but smile. 

**Maria:** alright, alright, I’ll come over tomorrow. Can I sleep now?

 **Peggy:** Sleep, princess. Text me when you’re ready to come over! Night night!

 **Maria:** Night!

Maria tucks her phone away and turns over, tugs the covers up to her ears and tries to push down the flutter of nerves in her belly as exhaustion tugs her into sleep. 

~*~

Maria still knocks when she gets to Herc’s apartment, but if it’s midday, if she knows Peggy’s home and Herc is not, she lets herself in. 

She toes off her shoes and locks the door behind her, and pads down the hall into the mess of a living room.

“Hey Peggy!” She blinks at Peggy, contorted on the floor in a pretzel-like pose, eyes closed, chaos all around her. Her phone lies on the floor nearby, playing the type of music Maria always associated with the massage parlour down the street from her old apartment. It’s low and soothing, soft tones that bring to mind a place of peace and stillness, as incongruous to its surroundings now as it felt then. 

Peggy opens her eyes and unfolds from her pretzel pose to sprawl onto her back at Maria’s feet. 

“Hi! I lost track of time, sorry. Yoga keeps me sane. Have you tried it? It’s amazing. I’m starting classes again next week, you should come with me! It’ll change your life I promise.” Peggy reaches over and taps her phone, stopping the music. “I do it every day. Well. Most days. It’s easier when Herc’s not around cause he likes to knock me over.” 

Maria looks down at Peggy sprawled at her feet, bright smile and sparkling dark eyes, and she’s pretty sure she’s never seen anything so beautiful, so vibrantly alive.

“I… no, I haven’t tried it,” Maria says, soft and with a little flinch. She’d mentioned it, once, to James. He’d laughed in her face, asked her why she thought she needed such a pretentious hobby. When she’d mentioned stress relief, he’d backhanded her across the room. 

“You should!” Peggy chirps, rolling to sit upright. “Come with me to one of my classes, I’m starting again next week and I can bring a guest a couple of times! It’s soooo relaxing.”

Maria chews her lower lip and backs up to let Peggy stand up so they’re eye to eye, so close that Maria holds her breath, caught on a half step between sudden fear and desire. 

“I…” 

“Hey, you don’t have to!” Peggy cups Maria’s face with her hands, fingers gentle on Maria’s skin. 

Maria flinches at the touch, and has to remind herself to breathe. 

Peggy’s brow furrows softly, concern crossing her face. 

“It was just a suggestion, it’s okay Maria. You don’t ever have to do something you don’t want to just because I think it’ll be fun,” she says gently. 

Maria takes another deep breath, and exhales shakily. 

“No, it’s not that. It’s okay. I…” she hesitates, feels that yawning sense of impossibly open space stretching before her, and it’s still just as frightening as it was the first time, that first night. The realization that her life is her own still hasn’t quite sunk in. 

“I think I’d like to,” she finishes with a small smile, heart racing in her chest. 

Peggy beams like Maria told her she’d decided to buy her a car. 

“Really!? That’s amazing!” Peggy bounces a little, and lets go of Maria’s face. 

Maria breathes a little sigh of relief, and waits for her heart to settle back into her chest. She watches Peggy step away from her, unselfconscious in her white sports bra and orange leggings, one pink sock on her left foot, the other foot bare.

“Oh, oh I can’t believe I almost forgot oh my god, so, okay, you can’t tell Herc that we’re doing this because he will _kill_ me, but I have to show you.” Peggy grabs Maria’s hand and does a little dance on her tiptoes. 

“Um,” Maria manages, letting Peggy tug her down the hallway into the master bedroom. 

The room is impeccable, a far cry from the chaos of the rest of the apartment. The decor is soft tones, golds and burgundies, tans and rich browns. In one corner, a shelf full of baskets holds neatly labelled sewing supplies, kitty corner to a wall covered in pinned up papers and drawings. 

“Look,” Peggy points at the mannequin standing proudly there, sporting a beautiful gown. “Isn’t it pretty?” 

Maria’s breath catches, because it is, oh, it is. The pale, buttery yellow fabric hugs the mannequin to its hips, then flows out into a long skirt. A line of tiny daisy buttons runs from the center of the sweetheart neckline right down to where the fabric become loose and layers of translucent white and yellow fabric fill out the skirt. 

“It’s gorgeous, what’s it for?” Maria whispers. She feels like a voyeur, like she shouldn’t be in here, seeing the place Hercules sleeps, the projects he’s working on, the evidence of thoughts and dreams and plans on the walls. 

“Herc’s a fashion designer! It’s for a show he has coming up, anyway, he’s so fussy, it’s almost finished and he hasn’t touched it in months because it’s not ‘perfect’,” Peggy says with a roll of her eyes. 

“What?” Maria tears her gaze away from the dress to blink at Peggy, “but it’s perfect.” She says, her voice hushed. 

“Right?” Peggy grins a cheeky grin. “I think he just needs to see it come to life, you know?” 

Maria nods in agreement, eyes back on the dress. 

“I think…” Peggy starts slowly, and something in her voice makes Maria look up sharply, a thrill of nerves shooting through her veins. “I think you should put it on.” Peggy finishes with a slow smile, eyes sparkling bright as she stares at Maria, daring her. 

“No, oh Peggy, I couldn’t!” Maria steps back, shaking her head, eyes wide, appalled at the notion. 

“Come on, oh please Mar, I know Herc just needs to see it with some life breathed into it to feel super confident about it, it won’t hurt anything, he won’t even need to know!” Peggy steps over to the gown and lifts it carefully off the mannequin as Maria looks on in horror.

“What if we rip it by accident,” Maria hisses.

Peggy shrugs, and holds the dress out to Maria.

“We won’t. Pretty please, Mar?” She wiggles the dress enticingly, and Maria gives in. 

“Okay, okay, but just for a moment,” she whispers, cheeks heating. 

Peggy lets out a little squeal and hands the dress to Maria. 

“Oh I can’t wait to see you in it, oh my god,” she dashes across the room and lights the collection of himalayan salt lamps on the desk and bedside tables, then flings herself into the middle of Herc’s canopy bed and bounces like a little kid. 

“I…” Maria blinks at Peggy, who stares at her expectantly. She feels frozen, feels balanced on the edge of something, tongue glued to the roof of her mouth. “No peeking,” she says quietly, voice teasing, lashes lowered, heart in her throat. She feels pins and needles through her skin, fear heavy in her fingertips and toes. 

Peggy laughs a light laugh, and dutifully claps her hands over her eyes. She rocks side to side like she just can’t help but move, too much excitement to stay still. 

When Maria is sure Peggy isn’t going to open her eyes, she tucks the dress over one arm and carefully wriggles out of her jeans and her baggy sweater. She tosses them on the floor, followed by her worn bra, then pauses a moment and kicks her sweater over top of the bra, embarrassed. She feels goosebumps rise on her body, feels vulnerable and exposed standing naked in Herc’s bedroom with Peggy on the bed, hands over her eyes. 

She has to pause a moment and breathe deep, soft fabric of the dress whispering cool against her skin where she clutches it to herself. 

It takes every scrap of courage she has to pull the dress away from herself for the moment that it takes to step into it and shimmy it up her body. She settles the off-shoulder straps on her upper arms, and twists and shimmies to zip up the back. 

It fits like it was made for her, soft fabric hugging her curves. 

“Okay,” Maria whispers, smoothing her hands down the dress gently, unsure of herself in such a beautiful garment. 

Peggy opens her eyes, and her mouth opens on the softest ‘oh’. She stares, unblinking, mouth open.

Maria shifts nervously under Peggy’s gaze, hands hovering near her hips. She doesn’t know what to do, stares down at her bare toes poking out from under the hem of the dress, and tucks them underneath. Out of sight. 

“Oh my god. Maria,” Peggy breathes, standing up slowly and stepping towards her. “You look… wow. God. You’ve got to see yourself, hang on.” 

Maria fidgets, uncomfortable with the way Peggy is looking at her like she’s some sort of unexpected treasure. 

Peggy steps back, pulls out her phone, and snaps a photo. 

Maria bites her lip and lowers her eyes, uncertain. She can hear the click of the camera app on Peggy’s phone like it’s fingers flicking her skin, and she fiddles with her hair. 

“Look at me, give me a pose baby!” Peggy chirps with a giggle. 

Maria looks up, and she’s pretty sure she’s never felt so awkward in her own body as she does then. 

Peggy puffs out her cheeks and crosses her eyes, and it’s so ridiculous and surprising that Maria can’t help but laugh. 

Peggy snaps three more pictures in short succession, then tucks her phone back into the waistband of her leggings. 

“It’s like it was made for you, really,” she gushes. 

Maria blushes and shifts and smiles a little. 

“Ohh, twirl for me, pretty please?” Peggy picks her phone back up, unlocking it with her thumb. 

“What, Peggy, you’re joking,” Maria laughs at the silliness of it all. 

“Nuh uh, totally serious, come on,” Peggy lifts her hand and makes a twirling motion with her finger, then raises her eyebrow at Maria. 

Maria laughs, and she stretches her arms out and spins, the soft, heavy skirts flaring out around her. She can hear the click of Peggy’s camera, but for just a moment she feels so light she doesn’t care, giddy with the feeling of release. 

She stops, dizzy and giggling, Peggy laughing too, and braces her hands on the foot of Herc’s bed for balance. 

“Oh my god,” she gasps, grinning like a fool. 

“Okay okay, I’m done tormenting you now, you can take it off now,” Peggy flings herself onto her back on the bed, and covers her eyes. 

Maria giggles, and quickly slips the dress off. She returns it to the mannequin, smoothing the skirts and making sure it sits perfect and unmarred in its proper place. 

She scrambles back into her clothes and heaves a sigh of relief. 

“Okay,” she whispers.

Peggy uncovers one eye, and pats the bed beside her. 

“I don’t want to move,” she says. 

Maria blinks and shakes her head, prickles shooting up her spine. 

“C’mon. Comfiest bed around. I nap here all the time, Herc doesn’t care,” Peggy pats the bed again, and stretches. 

Maria sighs, and gingerly crawls onto the bed beside Peggy because it’s easier than explaining why she’s not comfortable. She lies on her side, head propped up in her hand, and she has to admit that yes, it’s comfortable. 

“Seeeee. We’ll get up and go get lunch in a bit. Relax, Mar. Oh here, look!” Peggy picks her phone back up and pulls up the pictures she took, then hands it to Maria. 

Maria stares at the picture on the screen, herself, in low, warm light, head tilted back and wide grin on her face. Her hair and the dress flare out around her. She’s not sure she’s ever felt as carefree as she looks in that photo, and suddenly it’s hard to swallow around the lump in her throat. 

She thumbs through the rest of the photos, biting down hard on the inside of her cheek. 

“See, gorgeous,” Peggy says lightly, and gives Maria’s shoulder a gentle push. 

Maria hands her phone back. 

“That dress really is something,” she says when she can trust her voice. 

“I meant you, silly,” Peggy says, sticking out her tongue. 

Maria says nothing, just sticks her tongue out back, and lets her head flop down onto the bed. It’s soft and comforting under the canopy, and it smells of Herc, and Peggy is right there beside her, lying on her back with her eyes closed. 

Still, it takes Maria a long time to relax.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks menaceanon for the drink idea <3

Maria is so tightly wound she’s surprised the entire building isn’t rattling with her nerves. 

She’s sitting cross legged on the living room floor, compact mirror in one hand, carefully applying smokey eyeshadow with the other. She grips her lower lip tight between her teeth, glad for something to focus on. 

Music plays from Peggy’s phone, buried somewhere under a mountain of clothes on the couch. Peggy sings along from the kitchen, her voice loud, clear, and startlingly beautiful. She’s bustling around in there, clinking glass and metal, the sound of liquid pouring, the loud buzz of the blender. 

Maria hums along with the music as she sweeps eyeliner along her lashline. 

“Brought you a driiiiiiiiiiiiiiink!” Peggy sing songs as she winds her way through the spread of clothing everywhere.

Maria looks up and watches her approach, the way she holds two glasses filled with frothy yellow foam in one hand, the way she dances as she walks, hips and free arm moving to the music. 

“What is it?” Maria asks, putting the cap on her eyeliner and setting it on the carpet beside her for the moment. She reaches up to accept the drink, trying not to notice Peggy’s bare stomach, the soft swell of her breasts over the top of her baby blue lace bra, the way Herc’s old gray track pants ride low on her hips. 

“Pineapple jalapeno margarita! My signature drink!” Peggy takes a sip of hers and sets it on the coffee table, then turns to dig through the pile of clothes that her suitcase is buried under. 

“Oh fancy,” Maria lifts it and takes a sip, the salt rough against her lips, frothy slush cool on her tongue. The drink is sweet and spicy, the kick pleasant and warming over her tongue. “Oh that’s good!” 

“Yeah? You like?” Peggy twists to grin at Maria, mouth on the rim of her glass. 

“I love it,” Maria grins back. She returns her attention to the mirror, applying her eyeliner to her other eye. 

“Good!” Peggy returns to digging through her pile of clothes, and Maria caps her eyeliner, moves on to brushing mascara onto her eyelashes. She sips her drink, swipes on some burgundy coloured lipstick and tucks it into the pocket of her jeans. Snaps the mirror closed, and tucks it into her purse. 

“You look super cute by the way,” Peggy says. 

Maria watches her tug on a baby pink tank top, followed by a loose mint green sweater with a wide neck that sits low on her shoulders. 

“Thanks,” Maria tries not to fidget, dressed simply in dark skinny jeans and a cream coloured, v-neck top. Her hair is tied low behind one ear with a cream ribbon, curls spilling over her shoulder. Low key, she hopes. Relaxed, she hopes. Unobtrusive, she hopes. 

Peggy takes forever to dress completely, something Maria is used to by now. Shirt and sweater on, pants shucked to the floor, she dances back into the kitchen in her underwear with her half empty margarita glass. 

Maria tucks her feet under herself and settles in to wait, sipping her drink. She doesn’t protest when Peggy re-appears with the blender and re-fills her glass. 

“God, your makeup is perfect, can you do mine?” Peggy plops down on the ground in front of Maria, and takes a big sip of her drink. 

“Uh,” Maria blinks, sips her drink, fidgets with the hem of her shirt, “sure. I’ve never done someone else’s makeup though.” 

“That’s okay, it’ll look great I know it,” Peggy leans forward, and closes her eyes, waiting. 

Maria hesitates, then digs into her purse and pulls her eyeshadow back out. Chews her lower lip and takes another sip of her drink, then cups Peggy’s chin in her damp fingers. 

“Sorry,” she whispers, hopes her wet fingers aren’t too cold. 

Peggy just smiles slightly, doesn’t move. Maria’s never seen her so still. 

She carefully brushes eyeshadow onto Peggy’s eyelids, soft, pale neutrals fading to mint and then deep teal at the outer corners. Finishes with eyeliner and mascara. 

She pauses for a sip of her drink before picking out a lip gloss with a soft, rose gold glitter. She swipes it onto Peggy’s full lips, holding her breath. She keeps her gaze on Peggy’s mouth, aware that she’s watching her, aware that they’re so close it would be nothing to lean in and kiss all that gloss right back off, start over again… 

She’s startled by the thought, heat rising to her cheeks. 

She puts the lid back on the gloss and offers it to Peggy. 

“Here, keep this for the night,” she says, and finishes the last of her drink. 

“Thanks,” Peggy takes it, their fingertips brushing. “I should uh, put pants on,” she giggles and stands up, draining her drink in one smooth swallow. 

Instead of heading to her suitcase though, she weaves back into the kitchen. 

Maria tucks her makeup away again and hugs her knees to her chest, watches Peggy come back again and refill both of their drinks. 

“Let’s finish these and then go,” she sets the blender back down on the coffee table and drinks half of hers in one go. 

Maria sips hers slower, can feel the alcohol swirling through her, dizzy heaviness starting to spread through her body like the warmth of the jalapeno on her tongue. She watches Peggy dig out a pair of cut off jean shorts and tug them on, followed by mint green knee socks. 

“Okay! Ready?” Peggy finishes her drink and does a little twirl, nearly toppling over. She giggles and sets her glass down on the coffee table, then tugs on a pair of white sneakers. 

“Ready,” Maria gets up slowly, wobbling a bit. “Whoa,” she says quietly, and finishes her drink with her head tipped back. She sets her glass down and sways, giggling, silly grin on her face. 

“Whoops, Mar’s tipsy! I didn’t take you for a lightweight, aren’t you a bartender?” Peggy slides her arm around Maria’s waist and hugs her close against her side, and together they weave to the door. 

“Yeah, a bar _tender_ , not a bar _drinker_ , duh,” Maria says. 

Peggy giggles and lets go of Maria to tug on a coat and a scarf, letting Maria bend down to slip her shoes on.

“Yeah but don’t you get to drink too?” Peggy asks. 

Maria straightens up, and Peggy drapes Herc’s burgundy and white striped scarf around her neck, then hands her her jacket. 

“Thanks. No, not really. Like… a little if we want, but usually I don’t have time.” Maria adjusts the scarf around her neck, tucking the ends into her jacket and zipping it up. 

“Hmm I guess. That’s lame,” Peggy pulls open the door, and they’re on their way. 

The walk to Lafayette and John’s apartment is not short, but it’s pleasant outside, clear skies and cool breeze. Peggy grabs Maria’s hand and swings their arms between them as they walk. They chat about nothing, easy chatter that soothes Maria’s nerves. She could listen to Peggy’s voice all day. 

She feels light, nerves calmed in part by the alcohol, in part by Peggy’s chatter. She tucks her free hand into her jacket pocket, letting her gaze wander over passing cars, the stars above. She lets her mind wander, marvels at how good it feels to be this close to someone, hand in hand and not alone. 

“Mariaaaaa, where’d you go?” Peggy tugs at Maria’s hand, dragging her thoughts back to earth. 

“Mmm?” Maria blinks sheepishly. 

“You totally spaced out there. You good?” Peggy asks. 

“Yeah, sorry,” Maria answers with a little smile. 

“In we go! Just wait, this apartment is ridic.” Peggy leads Maria inside the tall building, lush lobby complete with a waterfall and a koi pond. The doorman greets them, and Maria follows Peggy into the elevator. 

“Wow,” Maria says. 

“Yep,” Peggy answers. “Laf’s like, some sort of obscure French nobility or something. Buckets of money.” She presses the button for the penthouse floor, and bounces on the balls of her feet as the elevator takes them up. 

Maria tries to ignore the nervousness creeping back in, wonders what she was thinking trying to hang out with people like this, people with money, with proper families, lives with promise… 

The elevator dings, and before Maria can chicken out, Peggy drags her down the hall and bursts through a door without knocking. 

“Hello!” She hollers, skipping into the open concept apartment.

Maria follows her in, shuts the door behind them and toes her shoes off. She steps into the nicest kitchen she’s ever seen, spacious and spotless and white. The appliances are stainless steel, shiny and new, and the granite counters are covered in an array of drinks and snacks. 

“Maria, this is Laf,” Peggy slings an arm over Maria’s shoulders and gestures to the man mixing drinks at the counter. He smiles a bright smile, stunningly handsome with his brown skin and his perfectly trimmed beard. His hair is in twin poofs at the side of his head, and he bounces in time to the music. 

“Bonjour Maria! Make yourself at home!” Laf says, his whole demeanour sunny and disarming. 

“Thank you,” Maria says shyly. 

“C’mon, I’ll introduce you to everyone else,” Peggy plucks one of the drinks from Laf’s hand as she passes, steering Maria into the living room. 

There’s people sprawled happily around the room, overwhelming enough simply by how many of them there are, and the obvious closeness they all share. 

Before Peggy can get a word out, squeals erupt and two girls envelope her in hugs. Maria steps back out of the way, letting the shrieking, laughing reunion take place. She can’t help but smile, the obvious closeness tugging at her heart strings. 

“Is that my scarf?” 

Maria jumps, gaze snapping to a man perched on the arm of a chair occupied by a freckled man with shoulder length curls. She blushes and fiddles with the end of the scarf. 

“Herc?” She asks, voice soft. 

He’s tall and broad, intimidating by size alone, but his smile is friendly and his dark eyes warm. 

“Yeah,” He answers, lopsided smile on his face. He’s holding a beer, loose limbed and relaxed. 

“Yeah, it is,” she admits, “Peggy let me borrow it. You can have it back…” 

“No, no, it’s alright. You know what, looks better on you than it does on me, it’s yours,” he answers. 

“Oh- oh, no, it’s alright, you don’t have to do that,” Maria protests, flushing with embarrassment. 

Herc takes a swig of his beer and flaps his hand like it’s nothing. 

“No, honestly,” he insists. 

“Maria?” A familiar voice sends a shiver up Maria’s spine, cutting off her answer on the tip of her tongue. 

She turns, eyes wide, dread flooding her body, meets Alexander’s shocked gaze eye to eye, and can’t do a thing but stare. 

Silence falls over the room, sudden and deadly, and Maria can feel everyone’s gazes fixing suddenly on her. 

She can’t look away from Alex, feels frozen and afraid and ashamed, naked under the scrutiny. 

Alex stands up slowly, eyes wide in surprise. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks, and there’s no venom in his tone, only surprise. He takes a step towards her, slow, cautious, and then everything seems to happen all at once. 

“Is that?” Someone starts to ask. 

“What is she doing here!?” Another voice, laced with distaste.

“Mar?” Peggy’s voice, small and worried. 

“I-” Maria takes a stumbling step backwards, ice water in her veins. “I should go.”

She turns on her heel and flees, bumping into the counter in her haste, deaf to Peggy’s desperate shouts to wait. She grabs her shoes and bolts for the elevator, hitting the ‘door close’ button with her finger over and over again until it closes and the elevator starts to descend. 

She yanks her shoes on, paces a desperate little circle around the elevator, arms tight around her waist. She’s shaking from head to toe, breathing shallow and fast. 

The elevator reaches the lobby and Maria doesn’t even try to hide how shaken she is, she just runs for the door, out into the street, and starts running for home. 

In her pocket, her phone starts to ring. 

Maria chokes on a desperate sob, and starts to cry.


	9. Chapter 9

**Peggy:** Maria? What’s going on?

 **Peggy:** What was that

 **Peggy:** Are you ok?

 **Peggy:** Mar?

 **Peggy:** OMFG YOU FUCKED ALEX!?

 **Peggy:** Oh

 **Peggy:** My

 **Peggy:** God

 **Peggy:** jfc

 **Peggy:** Did you know he was dating my sister? Did you know Eliza’s my sister? Omg Mar. 

**Peggy:** wait wait wait you had a boyfriend when that all went down!? 

**Peggy:** Maria!!!

 **Peggy:** I have so many questions

 **Peggy:** I’m not mad at you, for the record

 **Peggy:** Hello?

 **Peggy:** Maria?

 **Peggy:** Maria answer me please

 **Peggy:** Maria I’m worried about you.

 **Peggy:** are you ok?

 **Peggy:** at least let me know you got home safe?

 **Peggy:** I care about you so much you know.

 **Peggy:** … Please Mar.


	10. Chapter 10

Maria makes breakfast in a daze. 

She scrambles eggs, starts the coffee, puts bread in the toaster. She sets the table, fries breakfast sausages with some onion, blisters some cherry tomatoes in a separate pan. She puts the orange juice on the table, boils water for her tea, pours herself a glass of orange juice and brings it back to the counter with her. 

Her face feels hot and puffy from crying, from lack of sleep. 

Her hair is still tied below her ear, cream coloured ribbon limp. 

The toast pops, and she stacks it on a plate. Pours boiling water in her mug for tea, and stretches to snag a tea bag from the cupboard. 

She flips the sausages with one hand, dunking the tea bag with the other, head pounding. 

“Maria?” 

Aaron’s voice startles her, and she looks around, blinking in surprise. 

“Are you alright?” He’s staring at her, brow furrowed with concern. 

“Yeah,” she says, but it sounds lame to her own ears, and she covers a yawn with her arm. 

“Maria. You’re dunking your tea bag in orange juice…” Aaron says flatly. 

“I… oh, shit,” Maria lets go of the tea bag, watches it bob to the surface of her orange juice, blinking back tears. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, look I’ll make you a new tea, and there’s more orange juice,” Aaron says quickly, note of desperation in his voice. “Unless you wanted earl orange, which I mean, you can have that if you want it, don’t let me stop you.” 

Maria shakes her head and steps back, leaning against the opposite counter and covering her face with her hands. She can’t stop the tears now that they’ve started, and she starts to shake, feels helpless and lost. 

She hears the sound of the stove shutting off, and then Aaron steps in close. 

“Hey, Maria what happened?” Aaron asks, voice low and worried. 

Maria chokes on a sob, can’t get words out past the choking feeling of everything crashing down around her. 

“Shh, hey, what can I do, how can I help?” Aaron hovers around her. “Can I make you a new tea? New juice? Can I rewind time and not insult your beverage preferences?”

Maria chokes on a little laugh, shakes her head, cries harder. 

“Seriously. What can I do? Do you want a hug?” Aaron tries again. 

Maria nods, surprising herself. 

“Okay, it’s alright, I’m going to hug you now, come here,” Aaron says, and then he’s touching her shoulder with a gentle hand, and then he’s pulling her against him, into a gentle, careful hug. 

Maria buries her face in his shoulder, shaking harder, overwhelmed by touch, by nerves, by the ambush of Alex last night, the unraveling of hope, and the loss of a friend. She sobs into Aaron’s soft t-shirt and he rubs her back gently. 

Slowly, she relaxes into Aaron’s gentle hug, her trembling subsiding. 

Aaron doesn’t say a word, just holds her, steady and gentle, until her tears slow and she takes a shaky breath. 

She pulls back, embarrassed, and Aaron lets her go. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, rubbing her face with the back of her hand. 

“No need to apologize, here.” Aaron hands her a kleenex from the box on the counter. 

Maria dries her face and blows her nose, tosses the kleenex away, and takes a deep breath. 

“There. Do you want to talk about it?” Aaron asks. 

“I…” Maria sighs, and sucks her lower lip into her mouth. 

“Why don’t you sit down? I’ll finish getting breakfast together and start a new tea for you.” Aaron pulls out a chair at the kitchen table for her, and Maria sits down. She picks up a napkin and folds it in half, looking out the corner window at the soft morning sunlight. 

“There, I’ve got it, okay? Theo’s not feeling well, so it’s just us this morning.” Aaron moves back to the stove, dumps Maria’s orange juice tea in the sink and sets the kettle to boil again. 

With the soft clatter of breakfast being assembled, and Aaron’s attention diverted, Maria finds it easier to unglue her tongue from the roof of her mouth. 

“I saw Alex last night,” she says. She folds the napkin again, making a small triangle. 

“Alex… wait, Hamilton? Shit, where?” Aaron pulls three plates down from the cupboard and plates the food, wrapping a portion up for Theo and sliding it into the fridge. 

“At a party. I... that girl I’ve been hanging out with? Peggy? She’s Eliza Schuyler’s younger sister. I didn’t know. We walked in, and Alex was there, and Eliza, and her other sister too, it was awful.” Maria keeps folding her napkin, smaller and smaller. 

“Have you spoken to her since?” Aaron asks. He slides a plate of food in front of Maria and sits down across from her. 

Maria shakes her head miserably. She picks up her fork and rolls a sausage across her plate. 

“Have you tried?” Aaron takes a sip of his coffee. 

“No. She’s texted me, and phoned, but I don’t know, I’m still just so shaken from it all.” Maria shrugs helplessly. 

“That’s fair. Are you going to eat that?” Aaron points his fork at Maria’s plate, where she’s still just pushing her food around. She shakes her head, and he sighs. “Alright. It’s okay. Why don’t I put it away and you can have it later? I’ll clean up. I think Theo’s staying home from work today, might be a good idea for you, too?” 

Maria sets her fork down and nods, vision blurring with tears once more. 

 

~*~

 

Maria spends the morning curled up on the couch. 

By mid-afternoon, Theo appears, dragging the comforter from her and Aaron’s bed, her hair piled into a messy bun on the top of her head. She wraps the comforter around herself, and flops down on the other end of the couch.

“Ugh. Movie?” She says. 

Maria nods, and hands the controller to Theo. She reaches over the arm of the couch and snags her comforter. She tugs it onto the couch and curls up beneath it, head on her pillow. 

Theo puts on a movie and settles in with a heavy sigh. 

“Are you feeling any better?” Maria asks. 

“Yeah, fine actually, I’m just tired now,” Theo answers. 

“That’s good,” Maria tucks the comforter under her chin, and tries to watch the movie. 

She wakes up with a start hours later, the sound of keys in the door and the couch squeaking softly as Theo shifts. 

“Hey babe,” Theo says, groggy and soft. 

“I brought home pizza,” Aaron says as he walks into the livingroom. He sets the pizza boxes down on the coffee table, and leans in to give Theo a soft kiss. “Doing ok?”

“Yep, thanks Aaron,” Theo sits up and yawns. 

“Maria?” Aaron asks. 

“Yeah,” she sits up, gives Aaron a soft smile, and tucks herself into a ball in the corner of the couch. 

Theo shifts over to the middle, and Aaron kisses her forehead. 

“I’ll be right back, just going to change, and then let’s continue watching shitty movies, deal?” He says cheerfully, then turns and heads down the hall.. 

“Change fast, I’m eating all the pizza!” Theo calls after him. She pulls a box towards her and settles it on her lap. Opening it, she takes a slice and offers it to Maria. “Hawaiian?”

“Mmm, perfect,” Maria takes a slice too, bites into the gooey cheese, the salty sweet pineapple and ham. Closes her eyes and lets herself feel the pleasure of good food, lets herself enjoy the comforting weight of Theo’s body against hers, and ignores all the rest of it.


	11. Chapter 11

Maria turns her phone off. She can’t bear the texts from Peggy that don’t stop coming, the noise driving her already frayed nerves to distraction. She doesn’t want to read them, to see what Peggy’s thinking, to find out for sure that she’s no longer welcome in her life. 

She frets around the apartment for another day, cleans and does her laundry and organizes her suitcase. She bakes blueberry muffins, scrubs the kitchen floor, and stops herself from rearranging all the mugs in the cupboard into rainbow order. 

It’s a relief to go to work. 

The familiar rhythm of the bar, the noise and lights and people, on some level it soothes her. 

She makes drinks and small talk, cleans tables and glasses, flirts just enough to keep the tips coming, and before she knows it, the rush is over and the night begins to wind down. 

She’s wiping down the counter behind the bar when a new customer walks in, and pulls up a stool. She looks up to greet him, and freezes. 

“Hercules!” She says, surprised that he’s here, unnerved by the intense way he’s looking at her. 

“Maria. I need to talk to you,” he says, point blank. 

She blinks, and glances around, but the only other customers are a couple at a booth that her coworker April is talking to. 

“Um,” she says back, twisting the damp towel she holds in her hands. 

“What time do you finish?” He asks, voice even, stern, but not unkind. 

“Probably soon…” Maria eyes him warily.

“Perfect. I’ll wait,” he smiles at her, disarming, almost sweet. 

“Would you like a drink?” Maria tosses the towel in the sink, nerves making her hands tremble. She wants to run into the back and hide, wants to cry, wants Herc to leave.

“Please. A dirty martini. I’ll grab a booth, come on over when you’re done?” He says, voice softening as he speaks. 

“Sure,” Maria says. She scoops some ice into the shaker and pulls a martini glass out of the freezer. She adds vodka, vermouth, and olive juice to the shaker, caps it, and shakes. The ice chinks inside the metal shaker, a satisfying sound that soothes her nerves, if only just a little. 

She watches Herc out of the corner of her eye as she pours his drink and adds a garnish of olives. 

“There you go.” She slides the drink across the bar to him, fingers shaking. 

“Thanks,” Herc says, watching her hand retreat, “hey, I just want to talk, that’s all. I’m not upset with you, promise.” 

“Alright,” Maria replies softly. 

Herc smiles at her, gentle, sweet. He picks up his drink and settles in a booth, pulling out his phone. 

Maria finishes the rest of her shift in a daze, attention flickering back to Herc, over and over again, worry tying her stomach in knots. Finally, she makes another dirty martini, and an earl grey tea with honey. She trades her apron for a hoodie that she slips on over her tight red dress, and tosses her hair up into a loose bun. 

She slides into the booth across from Herc, and pushes the martini his way. 

“Thought you might want another one,” she says, and she slips her feet out of her shoes and tucks them up underneath herself on the booth. She cups her hands around her mug, the heat seeping into her skin. 

“Thanks.” Herc takes a sip of his martini, watching her from across the table. “How are you holding up?”

The question surprises Maria. She blinks, and looks up from the slice of lemon floating in her tea to stare at Herc. 

“Um,” she says. 

“No, seriously. That can’t have been a pleasant surprise. Must have felt a little like an ambush, no?” Herc says. His voice is soft, and he leans in a little bit, and his shoulders are soft. 

“I-” Maria takes a deep breath, and eyes Herc again, taken aback. “Yeah, it did a little.” She admits, and it feels good to admit that, to say those words aloud. 

“Are you holding up okay?” He asks, and it looks like he means it, it sounds like he means it. 

Maria takes a sip of her tea, and fiddles with the tag on the tea bag. 

“Sort of. It was a surprise, for sure. I miss Peggy, but…” She shrugs helplessly. 

“But what?” Herc asks. He takes another swallow of his martini. 

“Well… I mean. Everything.”

“If you knew that Peggy wouldn’t be angry with you, would you want to see her again?” Herc asks. Gentle, kind, soft. 

Maria pauses, and looks up at him, looks into his warm, dark eyes, his gentle smile. The way he’s watching her like he’s worried she might break.

“Of course I would,” Maria whispers. 

“She’s not angry with you, Maria. She’s really worried, and she wants to know you’re okay, but she’s not angry. She misses you.” Herc pulls the skewer out of his martini and eats the olives. Licks the juice from his fingertips, and sets the skewer on a napkin. His hands are large, but gentle, careful. 

“She’s not? But… Herc, how could she not be angry with me? I slept with her sister’s boyfriend while they were together, knowing they were together,” Maria says. 

Herc sighs, and he drinks the last of his martini.

“You know who else is worried about you, Maria?” He asks. 

Maria frowns. She pulls the tea bag out of her mug and drops it with a wet splat on her napkin. She lifts the mug to her lips and takes a sip, the warmth and sweetness soothing. 

“Who?” She asks. 

“Eliza,” Herc answers. 

“But…” Maria blinks, surprised. Of all the people who have no reason to care that she’s alright, Eliza is right at the top of that list. 

“She’s been worried about you for ages, Maria. She knows you had your reasons. No one blames you for Alexander’s poor judgement Maria. No one.” Herc reaches out a hand, then stops himself, and rests it on the table, palm open, an invitation. 

“I… I don’t deserve that…” Maria says, blinking back a fresh sheen of tears that threatens to spill over. 

“Does Peggy deserve to worry about you without any word, without knowing whether or not you’re alright?” Herc counters. 

“No…” Maria shakes her head miserably, clutching her tea. 

“Hey. It’s alright. No one is angry with you, I promise. Please don’t be upset Maria, we’re just worried,” Herc says, earnest and sweet. His fingers twitch slightly, open palm soft and inviting. 

Maria takes another sip of her tea, honey and lemon and bergamot familiar and comforting. She looks up at Herc and takes a shaky breath, willing her tears not to spill over. 

“Tell you what. Why don’t you come over for breakfast tomorrow? I’ll make pancakes, I’m really good at it, and you and Peggy can talk things out, okay?” Herc offers. 

Maria chews her lower lip uncertainly. 

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Herc asks. 

“She hates me now and won’t want to be my friend anymore,” Maria answers immediately. She takes another sip of her tea, staring at an old stain on the table top. 

“And what happens if you don’t talk to her?” Herc asks. 

“She’s not my friend anymore…” Maria says slowly. 

“So? Nothing to lose, and I promise she doesn’t hate you,” Herc says with a bright smile. 

“Alright,” Maria agrees. She offers Herc a tiny smile, and finishes the last of her tea. 

“Can I walk you home? It’s awfully late,” Herc offers. 

“Um,” Maria blinks, taken aback, “no, I’m alright, I do it all the time…” 

“I don’t mind, I don’t like that you’ll be all alone…” Herc says. 

Maria shifts in her seat, uncomfortable. She doesn’t want to make Herc go out of his way, and she doesn’t want to be alone with him at night, the subways quiet, the night dark… 

“It’s alright,” she says again. 

Herc studies her silently for a long moment. 

Maria shifts under his scrutiny. She puts the tea bag back in her empty mug, and rolls up the damp napkin and sticks it in too. She wishes he would look away, blushes a little bit because she knows she doesn’t look her best, skin lackluster and puffy from all of the crying. 

“Okay,” he says. “I don’t want to pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with, but can I ask a favour, instead?”

“Um, depends what it is,” Maria says. 

Herc laughs, and Maria manages another uncertain smile. 

“Cheeky,” he comments. He tears a corner off of his napkin, pulls a pen from his pocket, and scrawls a phone number on it. With one finger, he slides the napkin across the table to her. “Text me when you’re home safe. Just let me know you made it, okay?” 

Maria pockets the scrap of napkin, and nods, lip in her teeth. 

“Okay. I can do that,” she agrees. 

“Good girl. Now, do we owe anyone anything for these drinks? Let me pay for your tea, too,” Herc says with a satisfied smile. 

Maria shakes her head. 

“Nope, all looked after,” she says. 

“Hmm. Well then it seems like I owe you a drink. Keep that in mind, alright?” Herc replies. 

Maria nods, shy and unsure. She slips her shoes back on and stands up, tugs her dress down her thighs self consciously. 

“I’ll go put these away.” She gathers up the glasses and her mug, and tries not to hurry away. She tosses the garbage and puts the mug and glasses to wash. 

“Who is _that_ , damn girl!” April hisses to her, grinning slyly. 

Maria blushes. 

“Just a friend of a friend,” she hisses back. 

“Right, that’s why you’re blushing,” April teases. She turns back to serve a customer, and Maria escapes back to where Hercules is sitting, waiting for her. 

“Walk me to the subway?” He asks. 

Maria bites back a little giggle, and nods.

“Okay. I have to take it too,” she agrees. 

She steps back and waits while he stands up and pulls his jacket on, intimidated simply by how tall and broad he is. 

He offers her his elbow with a charming grin, and she shakes her head, but she can’t help but smile a little, beginning to relax in his presence. 

He pouts, and she rolls her eyes, and starts walking towards the door. 

“And here I thought I was charming,” he sulks when he catches up to her. 

Maria glances sideways at him, smiling the tiniest bit. 

“No? Damn.” 

Still, he holds the door for Maria, lets her walk out first, and walks beside her. They chat about nothing, and Maria starts to relax, soothed by his gentle manners. The night is cool, and Herc offers Maria his jacket, offers to buy her a tea, offers her his gloves. She declines, but her heart warms at the offer, and by the time they reach the subway station, she almost wants to let him take her all the way home. 

“Now, are you sure I can’t take you home?” Herc offers one last time, waiting for her train to slow. 

“I’m sure,” Maria says, but she’s smiling, and she’s relaxed, and she’s grateful for his company. 

“Alright. Don’t forget to text me, okay?” He steps back as the subway doors open. 

“Okay, bye Herc,” Maria says with a nod. She steps into the subway and finds a seat. The doors close, and the train starts to pull away, and Herc stands there until the train pulls Maria from view, and she wonders at the happy little flutter of nerves in her belly. 

 

~*~

 

At home, curled up under her blankets on the couch, Maria turns her phone back on. She clears her notifications, and texts Peggy;

 **Maria:** I’m sorry. I’m coming over for breakfast, and we can talk then, okay?

She takes a deep breath and enters Herc’s number, and texts him, as promised. 

**Maria:** Home safe. Thank you. 

**Hercules:** Good girl. See you tomorrow, sweet dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

Maria can’t remember a time she’s been more nervous than she is right now, riding the elevator up to Herc’s apartment. She’s wearing his scarf, her fingers are cold inside her jacket pockets, her shoulders hurt from tension, and part of her wants to turn right back around and run for home. 

Aaron had given her a quick, one armed hug before she left, told her she was brave, that she was doing the right thing. Still. 

She wants to cry when the elevator dings and comes to a halt, doors sliding slowly open. 

Maria doesn’t move until the elevator doors start to close again, and then she darts out, stomach churning. She takes a deep breath, and heads down the hall to Herc’s apartment. 

She knocks, then lets herself in, and she’s so nervous she can barely breathe, chest tight, stomach in knots. 

“MARIA!” Peggy’s shriek startles her, and she flinches, one shoe off. She looks up just in time to see Peggy scramble off the couch and fling herself down the hall, all limbs and angles. She catches Maria in a hug that sends the air out of Maria’s lungs in a whoosh. 

“I’m so fucking sorry Maria, I’m so sorry,” Peggy wails, holding Maria tight, one hand buried in her hair. 

Maria can’t do anything but hug Peggy back, tears in her wide eyes, shocked speechless. 

Herc pokes his head out of the kitchen wearing a pink cherry print apron, spatula in his hand. His eyes meet Maria’s and he smiles. He mouths ‘told you’, and winks, then retreats back into the kitchen. 

“Wait why are you sorry?” Maria finally manages to ask. 

Peggy hugs her tighter, squeezing her like she’s never going to let go, and Maria gets over her shock and she melts into it, this desperate touch, this overwhelming affection, like nothing she’s ever felt before. 

“Because! God, I didn’t know I swear. I’m so fucking sorry. I would have warned you, I promise, I wouldn’t have surprised you like that, with Alex and Eliza and everything, god that must have been so awful. I was so worried about you, are you okay?” Peggy pulls back enough to look at Maria, concern all over her face. She cups Maria’s face in her hands, and pouts. 

Maria can’t help but smile, can’t help but laugh a little, feeling instantly better. 

“It’s okay, it’s alright. You don’t hate me?” Maria asks, voice shaky. 

“Hate you? Oh my god no. I mean, I have a zillion questions, but I’m not mad! God, it didn’t even involve me! I don’t hate you, you’re my friend! I’m so sorry you thought for even a second that I would hate you over something like that, and I’m so sorry I didn’t know, and I couldn’t warn you, and I’m so sorry it was all sprung on you like that, I feel horrible. Are you really okay? Can you forgive me?” Peggy brushes her thumb over Maria’s cheek, worried eyes searching her face. 

“It’s okay, I promise. I’m sorry for running out like that,” Maria says, all shaky and surprised. She wants to melt into Peggy’s embrace and stay there, never leave this heady, desperate affection. 

“God, no, you don’t have anything to be sorry for Maria, not a damn thing,” Peggy says, and she pulls Maria close again, the force of her hug driving the air from Maria’s lungs. 

Maria has never been so glad to be breathless. She buries her face in Peggy’s shoulder, breathes in the familiar, comforting smell of her friend, the familiar feel of her body, her arms, the softness of her skin. She never wants to come up for air. 

“I’m so glad you came back,” Peggy whispers.

“Me too,” Maria whispers back. 

“I’m gonna eat all these myself!” Herc hollers from the kitchen. 

Maria giggles, and Peggy lets her go slowly, grinning from ear to ear. 

“Food first? Herc makes bomb pancakes,” Peggy rubs her hands up and down Maria’s upper arms, and steps away. 

“Food first,” Maria agrees. 

“Don’t you dare, Herc!” Peggy shouts back. She grabs Maria’s hand, and leads her to the kitchen. 

“I would dare, Peggy,” Herc retorts. He brandishes the spatula at Peggy. 

“I’ll fight you!” Peggy tries to snatch the spatula from Herc and they wrestle for it. 

Maria darts back out of the way, watches the playful way they tussle. Herc looks far less intimidating dressed in track pants, a tank top, and a frilly pink apron with cherries on it, and Peggy nearly gets the best of him before he manages to twist away, and holds the spatula up above his head, laughing triumphantly. 

There’s a stack of fluffy pancakes on the counter, dishes piled high in the sink. The counters are covered with stuff, a bag of flour, a carton of milk, a bag of sugar, a collection of mugs, a ball of green yarn. It’s chaos, but Herc and Peggy don’t seem to notice, Peggy seems to thrive on chaos, and Herc, well, he looks like he would feel at home anywhere. 

“Maria, save me,” Herc says with a pout as Peggy tries to leap for the spatula. 

“I’m not getting involved,” Maria says, raising her hands in surrender. 

“You can’t recruit her, she’s mine!” Peggy yelps in protest. 

“We’ll see about that,” Herc retorts.

Maria can’t help but laugh at their antics, something about the easy, comfortable way they interact warming her from the inside out. She wants to stay, right here in this cluttered kitchen, Herc’s laughter and Peggy’s squeals and the smell of freshly cooked pancakes and bacon filling the air. It could feel like home so quickly, and Maria’s heart aches with want of it. 

“Okay, okay, I’m starving, let’s eat?” Herc raises his free hand in surrender, and Peggy grins and backs off. 

“Truce. For now,” she says, sticking her tongue out playfully. 

“Good. Go move all your shit off the table.” Herc brandishes the spatula at Peggy, then tosses it at the sink. It clangs off a plate, making Maria flinch, and falls on the floor. 

Maria scoops it up and sets it on the last spare inch of countertop while Peggy gathers up an armful of what looks like mostly clothes, magazines, and makeup, and tosses it unceremoniously towards the couch. 

Herc shoots Maria a pained look. 

“Remind me again why I let this human hurricane take over my house?” He says. 

“Because she’s cute?” Maria suggests with a tiny grin. 

Herc pauses, and his expression turns searching, and Maria feels suddenly exposed and unsure. Something heavy sits in the air between them and it’s hard to breathe, and Maria feels like she’s on the edge of _something_ , but then the moment passes and Herc is shaking his head slowly and picking up the plates of food. 

“That she is, that she is,” he says, soft and a little distracted. 

He carries the plates to the table, and Maria follows him quietly. 

“Can I help?” She offers. 

“No, you’re a guest. Have a seat. Tea, right? Or would you prefer coffee?” Herc sets the dishes down on the table, and Peggy moves a stack of books off one of the chairs. 

“Tea, please. Earl gray if you have it,” Maria sits down, and Peggy flops into the chair she just cleared off. 

“You are the most useless creature on the face of this planet,” Herc says with a sigh, but it’s playful, and Peggy just laughs and sticks her tongue out at him again. 

Breakfast is a loud, playful affair, totally different from soft, quiet mornings at Aaron and Theo’s. Maria takes it all in, the constant teasing back and forth between Peggy and Herc, the way they can’t stop grinning and laughing. The way they draw her in, all sunshine and sweet smiles and easy intimacy. 

Herc’s pancakes are perfection, soft and fluffy. Maria spreads butter on hers, and sprinkles them with brown sugar and cinnamon. It melts in her mouth, sweetness and warmth. She wants to curl up in this corner of messy life and never leave, mug of tea cupped in her hands, Peggy and Herc playfully bantering, all the noise and chaos of a lived in life. 

With Peggy here, Herc’s loud presence is not nearly as intimidating, and Maria finds herself warming to him even more. 

Finally, Herc stands up and begins clearing the dishes away. 

“I’ll clean up, you two go relax,” he says. 

“Are you sure? I don’t mind helping,” Maria offers. 

“Positive. Can I make you another tea? Peggy, more coffee?” Herc stacks the empty plates in one hand, gathers up the mugs with the other. 

“Yes please,” Maria says with a smile. 

“Thanks Herc!” Peggy gets up and heads into the living room, and Maria follows. 

Peggy shoves a pile of clothing off the couch, and tosses her blanket into a heap on the floor, then sits cross legged on the couch. 

Maria sits facing her, arms around her legs, nerves fluttering in her belly again. 

Herc brings over a small tray and sets it on the coffee table, Maria’s tea and Peggy’s coffee ready for them. 

He retreats back into the kitchen, and Maria can hear the soft sounds of the water running, quiet clatter of dishes as Herc washes up. 

She picks up her tea and cradles it in her hands, and looks at Peggy. 

“So… Eliza’s your sister…” she says, hesitant, ashamed. There’s no easy way to have this conversation, no easy way to be the one who’s in the wrong. 

Peggy nods, and reaches for her coffee too. 

“Yeah. She’s the middle, Angelica is the oldest, and then there’s me. How did… how did you meet Alex?” She takes a sip of her coffee, no judgement in her voice. 

Maria takes a sip of her tea, letting the honey and bergamot sit hot on her tongue for a moment before swallowing. 

She stares at a Cosmo magazine on the floor, and sighs. 

“He came into the bar I was working in at the time. James… my ex… he knew him…” Maria takes a deep breath, finds it hard to get started. It hurts to talk about, she’s still raw in so many places. “Um. So, James needed money… James always needs money. He wanted me to seduce Alex so he could blackmail him…” Maria can’t look at Peggy, and she grips her mug tight to keep her hands from shaking. 

“I didn’t want to, I loved James, I didn’t want to be with anyone else, I didn’t want to make anyone cheat…” Maria swallows the note of desperation in her voice. 

Peggy watches her closely, expression sad and worried, coffee forgotten in her hands. 

“Hey… Maria, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me this…” Peggy says softly, genuine remorse in her voice. 

“No, it’s alright. I don’t mind,” Maria takes another sip of her tea, and scratches at a worn spot on her jeans. “James… I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming him entirely, because I still had a choice, I didn’t have to do what I did… but James had a temper. I… I couldn’t ever make him happy.” Maria bites down hard on her lower lip against the tightness in her throat, the threat of tears in her eyes. She’s so tired of crying over James, she’s so tired of wasting emotions on James. 

“Nothing was ever good enough. If I refused to seduce Alex, I was ungrateful and a prude, I didn’t love him enough, I expected him to do all the work for our lives- never mind that I worked two jobs and he never seemed to hold down any…” Maria laughs a little, bitter and sad. “If I did seduce Alex, I was a slut and I didn’t love him enough, and I liked it too much…” She shrugs, and takes another sip of her tea. 

Peggy watches her, silent now. 

“So… yeah. I got with Alex, because the alternative was getting hit by James… not that he didn’t find other reasons for that… but then…” Maria bites her lower lip again, watches her tea ripple in its mug, and she can’t stop her eyes from filling with tears now. 

“Oh, Peggy, you’ve got to understand, it had been so long since anyone touched me kindly… I fell for the delusion. I let myself believe he actually cared, because he was so kind to me, it’s so easy to fall for the daydream, so easy to make something out of nothing when you start with less than nothing. It got so easy not to think, but then James pulled the trigger on his plan, threatened to expose Alex…” Maria has to pause to breathe, trying in vain to stem her tears. 

“Alex called his bluff, and called it off. He told Eliza everything himself, he gave James the money he asked for and then said no more, and he froze me out. James was furious.” Maria closes her eyes against the memory of that night, the rage and the screaming, the way it seemed like he might actually kill her, the bright sparks of pain. 

She opens her eyes again and looks at Peggy, astonished to see tears in her eyes too. 

“God… Maria… why the hell did you stay with him?” Peggy asks, hushed. 

Maria shrugs again, and takes a sip of her tea. 

“Where was I supposed to go?” She scrubs the back of her hand over her wet cheeks. “James was all I had. He isolated me so slowly that I never noticed it until it was too late. We started dating when I was fifteen, and at first he seemed like such a blessing… he noticed me, he paid attention to me, made it seem like I was important, like I mattered… I’d never had that before. My parents worked too hard, and there were too many of us. They weren’t abusive, just… they couldn’t be there for us in a meaningful way.” 

Maria shifts, tucking her feet into the crack between the couch cushions. 

“We didn’t have much money, so none of us ever really had much we could call our own. James became that for me. I was so smitten, so proud that this older guy wanted to pay attention to me of all people… I didn’t really notice when he started to draw me away from my family, away from my friends. By the time he actually hit me the first time, I barely had anyone left I could turn to.” Maria hates how her voice shakes, hates that she can’t tell this story without tears, hates that he had such a hold on her for so long. 

“I told one of my old friends, that first time, and she just kind of shrugged, just kind of said ‘that’s how it is around here’ like that was the only option, like that’s just what love looked like. I didn’t know any better. It’s been so long since I had anyone in my life in a meaningful way except him. I haven’t spoken to my family for years. I haven’t had friends in longer.” Maria sips her tea again, takes a deep, shaky breath, and tries to compose herself. 

“You were just a baby. Maria I’m so sorry,” Peggy’s knuckles are white on her coffee mug, voice laced thick with distress. “So, what changed? How did you get out?” 

Maria smiles for the first time since they sat down, and sniffles weakly. 

“A lawyer came into the bar I was working in. I’m not sure what he was doing in that part of town, and he looked absolutely exhausted, but I could feel him watching me, like… actually looking at _me_ , and like… cheap concealer only does so much, you know? I had this awful bruise down one side of my face…” she clears her throat, embarrassed, “anyway. His name is Aaron Burr. He gave me his card, told me if I wanted help, I could call him.” Maria sips her tea again, and sighs, trying to will the tension out of her. 

“So I did. The next time James came home in a rage and I thought, man, one of these times he is actually going to kill me… he left later that night to go to the bar with some friends, and I packed everything I could fit into my suitcase and left. I’ve been staying on Aaron’s couch ever since.” Maria finishes her story with a little shrug. 

Peggy leans over and sets her coffee mug down on the coffee table, then straightens up and opens her arms wide. 

Maria sets down her tea and gives in to Peggy’s wide, teary eyes, her pouty lower lip, her inviting arms. She folds herself into Peggy’s embrace and hugs her tight. 

Peggy’s arms wrap around her, holding her like she never wants to let go. 

“It wasn’t your fault. I hope you know that. I’m so sorry that no one gave you the love you deserve,” Peggy whispers, voice tight with emotion. 

Maria swallows a fresh wave of tears and just lets herself melt into Peggy, lets herself soak up the fierce affection she’s being offered. 

“No one blames you, okay? No one. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Peggy murmurs. 

Maria doesn’t say anything, just nods, closes her eyes and just lets Peggy hold her.


	13. Chapter 13

**Peggy:** Drinks?! It would be a crime to waste this gorgeous day!

Maria smiles at Peggy’s text, and stretches languidly. The apartment is silent, windows open to let in the warm spring breeze. Maria’s book rests open on her belly, and she has a mug of tea on the coffee table that’s probably gone cold by now. 

**Maria:** Yeah! Meet you at Sixty Nine? 

Maria names a bar roughly halfway between their apartments that she knows has a good patio. 

**Peggy:** Deal! Last one there buys the first round!

 **Maria:** You’re on!

Maria, who knows by now that Peggy never makes it anywhere on time, grins in anticipation. She bookmarks her book and sets it aside, then bounces up from the couch. 

She changes out of her cotton shorts and tank top into a pair of skinny jeans and a flowy pink shirt. Slips her feet into flip flops, throws her hair up in a loose ponytail, swipes on a quick coat of mascara, and jogs out the door. 

Sure enough, she beats Peggy to Sixty Nine, and snags them a small table on the crowded patio. 

Peggy arrives shortly after, collapsing into the chair across from Maria in a disorganized heap. 

“No fair!” She pouts. 

She looks absolutely stunning, and Maria has to pause for a moment just to take her in. She’s dressed in a yellow cotton maxi dress with a flirty ruffle at the deep V neckline, and a white belt around her waist. It contrasts beautifully with the deep, rich, brown of her skin. 

“You made the bet!” Maria teases. 

“I guess…” Peggy drops her pout and grins across the table at Maria. “How’s my favourite girl?” 

“I’m good! You?” Maria warms from the inside out at Peggy’s words.

“Same,” Peggy answers with a bright smile. 

The server comes by and takes their drink order, a strawberry daiquiri for Peggy and a raspberry mojito for Maria. 

The patio is buzzing with people, and the sun shines bright and warm, light breeze ruffling through Peggy’s hair. 

Their drinks arrive, and they toast the day, and the first sip of mint and raspberry tastes like heaven on Maria’s tongue. 

She lets herself get swept away on the warm sun and Peggy’s energetic chatter, her drink cold and sweet on her tongue. Time flies when she’s with Peggy, laughter and smiles and the warm spring breeze, and before Maria knows it they’ve finished three drinks and a plate of deep fried pickles, and Peggy has that look in her eye like she’s got an idea that promises to be fun, and Maria leans in and plucks the orange paper umbrella from Peggy’s empty glass and twirls it between them. 

She holds it out to Peggy with a grin and a tilt of her head, and Peggy takes it, looking right at her. 

Maria watches Peggy fold the umbrella and tuck it into her purse, and drop some bills on the table. 

“Gotta keep it safe. Let’s go,” she says, standing up. 

Maria stands, and the world sways a little and she giggles and grins over at Peggy, who grins conspiratorily back. 

Peggy takes Maria’s hand and leads her out of the restaurant and onto the street, where she links their arms together, and starts walking. 

“If we go this way, will we get to Central Park?” She asks. 

“No,” Maria says with a little laugh. 

Peggy spins the abruptly around and starts in the opposite direction. 

“How about now?” She asks.

“Yes,” Maria lets her head drop to Peggy’s shoulder for a step, and they head off. 

Before long, Peggy’s attention is caught by another patio, and she drags Maria inside. They share a plate of nachos and a pitcher of banana daiquiri. 

It’s sticky sweet on Maria’s lips and heavy in her veins, and by the time they move on again, she’s good and drunk. 

“Maria. Maria. Let’s go to Target!” Peggy hisses. 

“What, why?” Maria leans against Peggy, and she wants to nuzzle into her neck, wants to taste her skin mixed with the aftertaste of daiquiri lingering on her tongue. 

In the bright spring sun, with alcohol buzzing through her, the thought isn’t nearly as alarming as it should be. 

Maria giggles a little, lets her head loll onto Peggy’s shoulder, arm wrapped around the taller girl’s waist. 

“We need a picnic blanket. And snacks. And, and, and… I want to paint your nails.” Peggy drags Maria across the street as she explains, and they tumble into Target. 

Half an hour later, they tumble back out, laden down with a large blanket, a bag of snacks, bottles of water, three colours of nail polish, a beach ball, large floppy hats, a handful of ring pops, feather boas, and two plastic dinosaurs. 

Next, Peggy makes Maria sit on a bench and wait with their spoils while she ducks into a store for more booze, and then it’s on to Jamba Juice for smoothies. 

Finally, giggly and giddy, they spread their blanket out on a grassy, sunny spot in Central Park, and sprawl out with a whoop of triumph. 

Carefully, Peggy mixes a generous splash of rum into both smoothies and hides the bottle back in her purse. 

“Okay okay take off your shoes I wanna paint your toes!” she grabs Maria’s foot, trying to tug the flip flop off it. 

Maria shrieks with laughter and falls over, surrendering her feet to Peggy’s attention. 

She watches the clouds roll by over head, everything pleasantly soft and swimmy, Peggy’s fingers gentle on her feet as she paints Maria’s nails, humming softly to herself as she works. 

“Maria?” Peggy asks out of the blue, breaking the dreamy silence.

“Mmm?” Maria pushes herself up on one elbow and looks down at Peggy, still painting her toes. 

“Are you going to bartend forever?” She asks. 

“Umm…” Maria reaches over and takes a sip of her smoothie, peach and rum cold on her tongue. “No.”

“What are you going to do?” Peggy replaces the brush in the bottle of nail polish and screws it shut. Blows on Maria’s toes and makes her giggle. 

“Uh, I dunno,” Maria answers. She chews her lower lip for a moment. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“Oh,” Peggy says. She rolls onto her back and kicks her feet in the air. “How does anyone ever decide what to do with their lives?” 

Maria giggles and shakes her head, takes another long drink of her smoothie. 

“You’re asking the wrong person Peggy,” she says. 

“Oh,” Peggy says again. She rolls back over onto her stomach and blows on Maria’s toes again.

“What brought that on?” Maria rolls onto her stomach beside Peggy and waves her feet in the air. She watches a young couple walk by, hand in hand, a pair of young children running in front of them, the picture of a happy family. 

“I just hoped moving here would make it clear, somehow.” Peggy shrugs. 

Maria laughs and shoves Peggy playfully. 

“I’ve lived here my whole life and never had any clarity, so you might be looking in the wrong place. NYC isn’t exactly known for its life changing revelations.”

“You’ve lived here your whole life?” Peggy asks, a little awed. 

“Yep. Never left,” Maria reaches into the bag of snacks and pops open a bag of salt and vinegar chips. She stacks a few on top of each other on the picnic blanket, and takes another sip of her smoothie. 

“Like, other than vacations right?” Peggy picks up Maria’s stack of chips and stuffs them in her mouth. 

“No, like literally never left,” Maria swats Peggy’s hand playfully, and starts a new stack of chips. 

“Wow. Okay, so we’re going on a trip, stat. Where do you want to go?” Peggy asks. 

“Uhh. I dunno,” Maria blinks, and swats Peggy’s hand again before she can steal her new stack of chips. “I’ve never thought about it.”

“Huh.” Peggy seems stumped by that, and she says nothing for a long moment. “Well, think about it.”

Maria eats her stack of chips one by one. 

She yelps in surprise when Peggy roars in her ear, and gallops the plastic stegosaurus across the blanket towards her, then collapses in a fit of giggles. 

The afternoon rolls by, filled with laughter and silliness, smoothie runs and rum, snacks and idle chit chat and cloud gazing. 

“Hey, hey, we should call Herc,” Peggy says as the sun starts to set. 

“Mmmhm, call him,” Maria says, stretching contently, watching the sky change slowly. She could stay here forever, stretched out in the grass, Peggy at her side, pleasantly drunk and strung out happy on life. 

Peggy pulls out her phone, and Maria puts her arms behind her head, listens to Peggy’s side of the conversation, full of pleading and giggling and a pout that only Maria can see though she’s sure Herc can hear it in Peggy’s voice. 

“He wants to talk to you,” Peggy presses the phone to Herc’s ear. 

“Hi Herc,” Maria says, warm all over and smiley with heavy drunken happiness. 

“Hey Maria. What has she done to you?” Herc demands, fake sternness in his voice. 

Maria giggles. 

“She kidnapped me Herc. Are you coming to get us? We have dinosaurs…” she says, can’t help but grin. She catches Peggy watching her out of the corner of her eye, and sticks out her tongue. 

“You have… you know what I’m not even going to ask. Yes, I’ll come get you, just… don’t move, I don’t want to go on a wild goose chase,” Herc says, laughing. 

“Not geese. Dinosaurs,” Maria corrects solemnly, and then she hangs up and gives the phone back to Peggy. 

By the time Herc finds them, the sky is pink and red and orange, sun hanging low and ripe on the horizon. Maria’s head is in Peggy’s lap, and Peggy is braiding and unbraiding one section of her hair. The snacks are gone, and so is the rum. Maria has the stegosaurus perched on her belly, and the pterodactyl sits on the blanket next to Peggy. 

Peggy notices Herc first, and throws the pterodactyl at him. 

“Caw caw, motherfucker,” she says. 

Herc picks it up, flies it back over to them, and sits down on the blanket. 

“I don’t think that’s the sound that makes,” he comments. 

“Since when are you a dinosaurologist?” Maria asks. 

“That’s not a word,” Herc says. 

“That’s not a word,” Peggy mimics. 

Herc sighs heavily, a long suffering look on his face. 

“Alright. I’m here. Where do you need me to escort you?” Herc asks. 

“Pizza!” Peggy exclaims, throwing her hands in the air. 

Maria just smiles and nods, watches the world spin lazily, glad for the warmth of Peggy’s lap under her head, Herc’s presence beside them. 

“Pizza it is. Mar, you good my girl?” Herc looks down at Maria, and she blinks back at him. 

“Yeah. I’ve got a… a spiky friend.” She gestures at the stegosaurus on her belly, lopsided grin on her face. 

“You certainly do. Shall we?” Herc stands up and offers Maria his hand. 

Maria reaches up both of hers, lets Herc pull her to her feet, and has to grab onto his arm for balance, giggling uncontrollably. 

“Easy. You good? I need to help Pegs up too,” Herc says. He waits until Maria finds her feet, then lets her go so he can help Peggy up too. 

Peggy stuffs the blanket and the dinosaurs into a bag while Herc throws out the remains of their snacks, and Maria sways and watches the sky. 

“Let’s gooooo!” Peggy grabs Herc’s hand in one hand, and Maria’s in the other, and, swinging their arms between them, they set off down the street in search of somewhere to grab pizza.


	14. Chapter 14

Peggy slides onto what Maria has come to think of as her barstool, and leans her chin in her hands on the sticky bartop. 

“How’s the best bartender in all of New York City?” She calls, bright smile on her face. 

Across the bar, a drunk guy lifts his drink and cheers, making Maria laugh. She blushes a bit at the attention. 

“The hottest too!” The drunk guy adds in, and Maria covers her face with her hands, bright red, giggling. She can hear Peggy laughing, marvels at the effortless way she just draws everyone in around her, her bright energy irresistible.

Maria finally takes her hands from her face, and picks up her tea. She takes a sip, honey and bergamot grounding and warm. 

“Hey Peggy,” she says. She pulls down a couple of bottles from the shelf, mixes Peggy a blood orange martini, and slides it over. 

“I have something I want to run by you, Mar. You’re allowed to say no, I won’t be upset, but promise you’ll think about it for me?” Peggy takes a sip of her drink. 

Maria’s heart skips a beat, and tries to jump up her throat. 

“What is it?” She asks. 

“Eliza wants to meet you,” Peggy says. 

Maria feels the bottom drop out of her world. 

“Hey…” Peggy reaches out a hand, palm up, fingers soft, concern all over her face. 

Maria takes a step back, feels panic clawing its way up her chest, feels trapped, feels scared, feels a half step from shattering. 

“Maria. Maria, it’s okay, you don’t have to, remember?” Peggy stretches her hand out, wiggles her fingers. 

Maria takes a deep breath, tries to force the fear back down. It takes a minute, and she’s trembling, but Peggy doesn’t move and Peggy doesn’t shout at her and Peggy just waits, calm and quiet, until Maria wrestles her nerves back under control, and reaches out to gently link her fingers with Peggy’s. 

“You don’t need to decide right now, alright? Come on, it’s alright,” Peggy says, gentle, warm. She gives Maria’s arm a gentle shake through their linked fingers. “Just think about it, okay? Eliza’s wonderful, I promise. She’s not angry with you, she just wants to meet you, wants to know you’re okay. Maybe it would be good?” 

Maria takes another deep breath, and she nods. 

“Don’t decide now. Think about it, and let me know, okay? That’s all I’m asking for.” Peggy squeezes Maria’s hand, and smiles softly. 

Maria smiles back, tentative. She squeezes Peggy’s hand back, grateful for her warmth, her strength. 

“Okay. I’ll think about it,” she replies. 

 

~*~

 

The next morning at breakfast, Maria tells Aaron and Theo about Peggy’s request. 

She’s curled up in the corner chair, cozy in soft pink pajama pants and an oversized gray hoodie, mug of tea in her hands. 

Theo pushes a piece of honeydew melon across her plate with her fork. 

“Are you going to?” She asks. 

Aaron reaches across the table with his fork and steals the offending piece of melon from Theo’s plate, and pops it into his mouth. She doesn’t protest, just takes another sip of her ginger tea. 

“I’m not sure,” Maria answers truthfully. 

“I’ve met Eliza a few times,” Aaron comments, “you know I used to work with Alexander, and I met her a few times through the course of work. She’s a lovely woman.”

“Hmm,” Maria takes a sip of her tea, and watches Theo eat a small spoonful of plain greek yogurt. “Do you think I should?” 

“I think it could be a really positive thing, Maria,” Theo says. “You trust Peggy, right?” 

Maria nods. 

“And what does she think of it?” Theo eats a grape, and pushes her plate away. 

“She thinks it’s a good idea. She said Eliza isn’t angry or anything,” Maria replies with a shrug. 

“I think, if you want to, it would be a good thing to do,” Theo says with a smile. 

“Okay,” Maria says. 

She gets up and clears away the dishes, wraps up Theo’s plate of fruit and puts it in the fridge, leaving Aaron and Theo to relax over their coffee and tea. 

“Are you ok, Theo? You didn’t eat much,” Maria puts away the leftovers, and starts to wash the dishes. 

“Yeah, my stomach’s just a bit off again, but I’m okay, thanks Maria,” Theo smiles softly, and Aaron reaches across the table and gives Theo’s hand a squeeze, the love between them almost palpable in the room. 

Maria smiles, and turns back to the dishes. She cleans until the kitchen is spotless, dishes clean and drying in the dishrack, counters and table wiped down, plants watered. Satisfied, she curls up in the corner of the couch, and texts Peggy.

 **Maria:** Okay, I want to meet Eliza

 **Peggy:** Really!? Oh she’ll be so happy! I’m going to give her your number, and she’ll text you, okay?

 **Maria:** Okay. 

**Peggy:** Perfect! Lunch tomorrow? 

**Maria:** You got it.

Maria tries to ignore the anxious flutter of nerves in her belly at the prospect of meeting Eliza for the first time. She tries to remember that she can trust Peggy, that she can trust Aaron. 

Still. 

It’s hard to swallow her nerves completely, so she gets up and begins tidying the living room instead. 

Tidying turns into vacuuming, which leads to starting a load of laundry, and washing the kitchen floor. By the time she comes back to her phone, she has a text from an unknown number, and her nerves spike once more. 

**9179487886:** Maria? This is Eliza, Peggy gave me your cell number and said it was okay if I reached out to you. 

**Maria:** Hi Eliza, Peggy told me she was giving you my number because you wanted to get together?

Maria swallows hard on anxiety, and sits cross legged on the couch, staring at the text bubbles on her screen. 

**Eliza:** Yes! I’ve been dying to meet you for ages, honestly. I know that probably seems weird, but I’ve just been so… I can’t stop thinking about you, and I worry about you. Anyways. Can I take you out for coffee this afternoon? 

Maria blinks in surprise, feeling like this must be a trap, because how could Eliza, the fiancee of the man she had an affair with… how could she think anything kindly towards Maria? 

**Maria:** Sure, this afternoon is great. What time?

 **Eliza:** 1:00? At Bean Machine? Is that okay?

 **Maria:** Perfect

 **Eliza:** Great! Looking forward to it!

 

~*~

 

By the time noon rolls around, Maria is so nervous she can’t sit still, and she can’t even think about eating lunch, her stomach doing somersaults. She cleans the apartment from top to bottom, scouring and scrubbing until her fingers are sore and trembling, raw with warm water and cleaning solution. 

Theo finally takes her wrists gently when she gets out the good silverware. 

“Maria,” she says softly. 

Maria freezes, wrists limp in Theo’s gentle hands, wound so tight with nerves she can barely breathe. 

“You’re making me dizzy. You’re going to scrub the apartment until there’s nothing left. I don’t think it was this clean when we bought it.” She tugs Maria close so their foreheads press together. “It’s okay, Maria. Take a deep breath. You don’t have to do this.”

Maria closes her eyes and tries to breathe deeply. 

“I want to. I just…” she trails off. 

“Shh. It’s alright. Just, no more cleaning, okay? Go have a hot shower, put some lotion on these poor hands, and do your makeup, okay?” Theo lets go of Maria’s wrists, puts the silverware back in the drawer, and shoos her out of the kitchen. 

 

~*~

 

Two hours later, Maria steps into Bean Machine. She feels no calmer, anxiety chewing through her insides. Her hands shake in the pockets of her jacket, and she buries her nose in Herc’s burgundy and cream scarf. She’s had it for so long that it doesn’t smell like Herc anymore, but the familiar softness of the yarn is comforting. 

She looks around, eyes wide, teeth digging into her lower lip. 

“Maria?” A gentle touch on her shoulder makes Maria jump, and she turns to see a beautiful young woman standing beside her. 

Eliza is only slightly taller than her, and with her porcelain skin, her silky black hair, her warm brown eyes… she’s stunning. 

“Eliza?” Maria asks, uncertain. 

“That’s right. How are you doing? I’m so glad you agreed to meet me, you don’t know how worried I’ve been,” Eliza takes a deep breath, lets out a shaky sigh, and Maria realizes with a start that she’s nervous too. 

“I… I’m okay,” Maria answers, soft, unsure. 

“Oh, come on, give me a hug, and let me buy you a drink. It’s the least I can do.” Eliza opens her arms, and it looks like a lifeline, but it also looks a lot like desperation on Eliza’s part. 

So Maria steps in and slides her arms around Eliza’s middle, and is surprised by the warmth and affection in Eliza’s tight hug. Is surprised when Eliza buries her face in Maria’s shoulder, when she takes a breath that feels a lot like she’s trying not to cry. 

“I’m so sorry Maria,” she whispers, and just like that, Maria is choking back tears in the middle of the coffee shop, and she can’t speak past the lump in her throat. 

Of all the things she could have expected, this was nowhere near her mind. 

She doesn’t know what to do with it, this outpouring of feeling from the last person who owes her anything, and so she just holds Eliza loosely, and lets Eliza hold her tight, and trembles in the face of everything she didn’t expect. 

“God. I’m sorry,” Eliza pulls back with a sniffle, takes a deep breath, and gives Maria a watery smile.

Maria smiles a tentative smile back, and mumbles ‘it’s alright’. She feels awkward and unsure, doesn’t know what to make of Eliza. 

“Let me buy you a drink, and then lets sit down, okay?” Eliza takes Maria’s hand and gives it a squeeze, and Maria squeezes back, grateful for the contact. 

They order their drinks - a matcha latte for Eliza, and a london fog for Maria, and retreat to a quiet corner of the coffee shop. 

Maria slips her shoes off and curls up in the plush, worn armchair, feet tucked beneath her, drink cradled against her chest. 

Eliza sits cross legged across from her, looking composed and calm. 

“So. Um. God, I’ve been so nervous about this, you know?” Eliza says. 

“You have?” Maria asks, surprise. 

“God, yes. I wasn’t sure what you’d think, if you were angry with me, if this was a terrible idea…” Eliza trails off, and sticks her finger in the foam of her latte. 

“Why would I ever be mad at you?” Maria leans forward, confused. 

“I don’t even know,” Eliza laughs a little, a nervous, insecure sound. “I just, I guess… Alex is my fiance, sure, but you ended up right where you started when it all fell out. I think I would resent me a little bit, in your shoes. I saw how upset you were the other night…”

“But… he’s yours, he was yours first, and I could have ruined it all…” Maria is glad for the mug in her hands. Her knuckles are white around it, but at least her hands aren’t shaking. 

“Oh Maria,” Eliza says sadly, shaking her head. “If my relationship with Alex was ruined over that, it wouldn’t have been worth having anyways.”

“But…”

“No buts. You didn’t do anything wrong, Maria. Not one thing. You were put between a rock and a hard place. I don’t blame you for any of it. Alex is the one who did wrong, and James. Not you.” Eliza takes a sip of her latte, something fierce and fiery in her warm eyes, the set of her jaw. 

Maria feels herself warming to Eliza, drawn in by her fire, her compassion. 

“I…” she doesn’t know what to say, not in the face of that. “Still, I’m sorry.”

Eliza smiles, and takes a steadying breath. 

“Thank you. Still, though. It’s not your fault. Mine and Alex’s relationship is not your problem. Alex should have said no. Alex should have found a way to help you that didn’t compromise our trust, but he didn’t. That’s not on you.” 

“But…” 

“No buts. Maria, honestly, I mostly wanted to meet you because I wanted to make sure you’re okay, and you are, aren’t you?” Eliza asks, earnest, worried. 

“Um. Yeah,” Maria answers. 

“Good, I’m honestly so glad, I really am. I just… I wanted to know you’re okay, but I also wanted, I mean if you want, I’d like to be friends,” Eliza stammers. 

Maria blinks, dumbstruck for a long moment before she nods, not trusting herself to speak. 

“I mean, you can say no…” Eliza adds.

“No, no,” Maria says in a rush, “I just, it’s the last thing I expected.” She laughs a little. “This whole… this whole thing, Eliza, I wasn’t expecting any of it. I think… I think I would really like to be friends.”

“I’m so glad Maria,” Eliza says with a huge sigh of relief. “So, tell me all about your life now, what are you up to?!”

Maria takes a sip of her drink, and lets herself relax as the conversation turns to lighter things, and she marvels at just how much weight forgiveness lifts off her shoulders.


	15. Chapter 15

Spring unfolds slowly and gracefully, blossoming into sun and warmth as April gives way to May. Maria’s life settles into a new pattern, more full and joyful than it’s ever been. 

She spends most of her evenings at work, but now more often than not, someone pops in to say hello. Herc most often, and Peggy, but Eliza too, and sometimes even Lafayette and John - always together, and they don’t stay long, but they have nothing but smiles and friendship to offer. 

She goes to Peggy’s hot yoga class once, but she doesn’t know how to sit comfortably inside her own skin, and by the time the hour is over, she’s a shaking, sweating, teary eyed mess. She stammers out apologies until Peggy takes her hands and shakes them gently, tells her it’s alright. 

They go for ice cream after, and wander through Central Park quietly until slowly, Maria’s shaking subsides. She doesn’t try to go to yoga again. 

Maria spends mornings with Theo and Aaron, and she wracks her brain trying to prepare food that will entice Theo’s inconsistent appetite, worry for her friend gnawing at the back of her mind at all times. 

She sees Eliza a couple times a week, usually for coffee or lunch, but sometimes Eliza texts her mid afternoon because she’s tired of research and class and textbooks, and Maria meets her for a quick wander around the block so Eliza can stretch her legs and think about something other than her Masters. 

But always, always, always, it’s back to Peggy and Herc, Herc and Peggy. She finds herself at their apartment more than anywhere else, entrenched in happy chaos. They spend evenings sprawled on the couch, Peggy in the middle, Netflix and chips and pizza and laughter. They go out for dinner, too much rich food and too many drinks, the perfect amount of smiles and giggles. Peggy lives life as though it’s a gift just for her, and Maria begins to soak up her enthusiasm for everything, begins to warm to Herc’s loud affection. 

Afternoons are for Peggy, and with her, Maria discovers her city all over again as they wander it endlessly, stumbling in and out of little shops and cafes, joy following them everywhere as Peggy constantly asks the city for more and more and more delightful little secrets. As if it was holding them just for her, the city responds, and unfolds at their fingertips. 

 

~*~

 

“God, I am tiiiiiired!” Peggy drops her shopping bags the moment they step through the door into the apartment. 

She kicks off her flip flops, leaves them where they fall, and stretches languidly as she walks down the hall. 

Maria tucks her flip flops to the side, out of the way, and follows Peggy into the living room. 

“Nap time?” She turns to Maria, that conspiratorial grin that Maria has come to love on her face. 

“Okay,” Maria says with a little laugh, because wherever Peggy leads she will follow. 

“Perfect. When Herc gets home he can make us snacks,” Peggy says as she turns back around and exchanges her lacey shorts for a pair of neon green boxers that Maria suspects actually belong to Herc. 

“Does he get any say in this?” Maria asks, following Peggy down the hall to Herc’s room.

“Of course not,” Peggy replies flippantly. 

She kicks the door half shut behind them, and sprawls out on her back in the middle of Herc’s immaculately made bed. His room is the only part of the tiny apartment that has managed to resist the chaotic sprawl of Peggy and her belongings. His room is as immaculate as ever, serene and soothing with its low light, its burgundy and neutral decor. 

The window is open, fresh spring breeze billowing the translucent curtains gently. 

Maria crawls onto the bed beside Peggy and curls up on her side, facing her. 

Peggy drapes an arm over Maria’s hip, and sighs happily, eyes closed, the picture of contentment. 

Maria smiles, and lets herself relax, the gentle weight of Peggy’s arm comforting, the lingering smell of Herc in the blankets, the canopy bed around them, the gentle caress of the breeze through the window relaxing. She closes her eyes, lets the familiarity lull her… 

 

~*~

 

When Maria wakes up, Peggy is still asleep, tangled tight with her, legs entwined, chin on top of Maria’s head. 

Maria relaxes into it, lets herself enjoy the simple comfort of touch. She doesn’t want to untangle, doesn’t want to get up. 

“You know…” Herc’s voice from the doorway startles Maria, and she jumps, twisting to push up and blink at Herc. “It’s rude to have a cuddle party and not invite the owner of the bed…” 

Maria blushes brilliantly. Next to her, Peggy grumbles sleepily, and nuzzles into Maria. 

“Sorry,” Maria whispers. 

Herc laughs and walks over, stretches out on the bed on the opposite side of Peggy. He places his hand on Peggy's hip, and something about that gentle, casual touch makes Maria’s heart skip a beat, and he gives Peggy a gentle shake. 

“Hey, wake up,” he says. 

“Noooo,” Peggy whines, and burrows closer still to Maria. 

“You stole my bed,” Herc says.

“You weren’t using it,” Peggy grumbles. “I’m cuddling Maria, go away.”

Maria is torn between laughter, and wanting to bury her face in the pillows. 

“What if I want cuddles too?” Herc asks, and he pouts, makes pleading eyes at Maria. 

She does giggle then, but she shakes her head no, lower lip caught between her teeth. 

Peggy gives in though, and she rolls onto her back between them, stretches, and yawns. 

“It’s not my fault you were at work,” she says, and sticks out her tongue. 

“Some of us have to,” he retorts, and sticks his tongue out right back. 

“I’m finding myself, it’s important,” Peggy says archly. 

Maria laughs, and Herc just shakes his head. 

“Anyway, we were napping, shh,” Peggy closes her eyes again, and sighs happily. 

Herc raises an eyebrow at Maria, and gets comfortable, stretching out and echoing Peggy’s happy sigh. 

Maria doesn’t fall asleep again, too aware of Herc on the other side of Peggy, but she drifts on happy daydreams, lets her mind wander so that she loses track of time, just floats on a cloud of contentment. She can hear the sounds of the city far below, carried in on the gentle breeze through the window.

“Oh my god, I forgot to show you!” Peggy sits bolt upright so suddenly it startles a flinch out of Maria, shattering the peaceful silence. 

“Um?” She asks, looking up at Peggy.

“Not you, Herc. Herc wake up!” Peggy picks up a pillow and wallops Herc with it.

“Hey! What the-“

“Shh, you want to see this trust me!” Peggy wallops him again just for the hell of it.

“Okay okay stop it, jeez you’re obnoxious,” Herc grumbles.

“Be nice,” Peggy puts her pillow down and flops onto her back.

“That was nice,” Herc mutters.

“Nicer.” Peggy digs her phone out of the blankets and unlocks it, reaching out with her free hand to absently toy with one of Maria’s curls.

Maria closes her eyes for a moment, soaks up the casual affection. She’s not paying attention to what Peggy is doing, just enjoys the warmth and the easy intimacy.

“Here, look,” Peggy says as she hands er phone to Herc. “Scroll right.”

Herc takes Peggy’s phone, and Maria hears his breath catch.

She rolls onto her side and pushes up on her elbow, watching Herc’s face. Surprise turns to what can only be described as enchantment.

“I should be pissed at you Peggy, but good god…” Herc says, voice hushed, eyes riveted to whatever he’s looking at on her phone.

Peggy is beaming, looks like she wants to clap her hands together in delight. 

“I told you it was perfect…” she says gleefully.

“I… Peggy it’s not the dress that’s perfect…” Herc says.

At the word ‘dress’, Maria’s stomach gives a funny little jolt, and she looks at Peggy.

Peggy grins, and winks at her.

Maria looks back at Herc to find him staring at her, awestruck. 

She blushes deeply, something heavy and charged in the air. 

Herc watches her silently for a long moment, then seems to give himself a mental shake, and hands Peggy’s phone back to her.

“We’re going to have to get some professional photos of that,” Herc says, a little gruff. He sits up abruptly and gets off the bed. “What do you guys want for dinner?” 

“Thai!” Peggy hollers.

“I’ll… see what I can do with what’s in the fridge…” Herc leaves the room, pulling the door half shut behind him. 

“Is he… okay?” Maria asks, something about the set of his shoulders, the edge in his voice, sending a nervous thrill through her body. 

“Hmm? He’s fine,” Peggy rolls back onto her side and tugs Maria close. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Okay…” Maria chews her lower lip, worried, but defers to Peggy because she knows Herc better than Maria does. 

“He’s just amazed you made his dress look that good,” Peggy says. She scrunches up her nose and sticks her tongue out at Maria playfully. 

Maria sticks her tongue out back, and tries to push the worry from her mind. She closes her eyes again and lets Peggy play with her hair gently, leans into the soft intimacy with her whole body until Herc calls them for dinner. 

Peggy bounces up off the bed, and holds out her hands to Maria. 

Maria sits up slower, stretches, doesn’t want to shake the heavy contentment from her bones. She takes Peggy’s hands and lets her pull her up to standing. 

Maria’s toes touch the floor and she tumbles into Peggy, familiar and comfortable with her closeness now. Peggy slides one arm around Maria’s waist, steadying her. 

“Oh, Maria,” she says, and something in her voice makes Maria look up, sharp. Their eyes meet, and Maria’s breath catches in her throat because she’s not sure she ever noticed how pretty Peggy’s eyes are before, not really… 

“Peggy…” Maria says, and it comes out hushed and scared and wanting. 

“Mar…” Peggy reaches up and brushes a stray curl from Maria’s cheek, fingertips lingering. 

Maria can’t breathe, and she feels like she might burst from sudden want. A tremble starts up in her, the same fear cold in her bones like always, and she’s not sure her body is big enough to hold two things this big and intense. 

“I really want to kiss you right now,” Peggy whispers, and the fear in Maria wins out. 

She shakes her head and takes a step back, all tremble, all bruise. 

“No, please,” she whispers, and she wants to cry because she wants Peggy to want to kiss her, and she wants to kiss Peggy back, but that realization is so huge and terrifying that she can’t hold it in her hands and she doesn’t know what to do with it. She’s not ready, not nearly, but she wants to be, and she can feel herself shaking near apart with everything at war inside her. 

“Okay, okay, Maria it’s alright,” Peggy says gently. She reaches out her hands, and waits.

Maria wraps her arms around her own middle and backs up another step. She can’t breathe and it all feels like too much, and she hates disappointing Peggy. 

“It’s okay Mar. I promise. You don’t have to want that too, I love you just the same no matter what,” Peggy’s voice is soft and reassuring. 

Maria takes a deep breath and lets Peggy take her wrists. Smiles a little at the familiarity of the gentle way Peggy shakes her arms up and down. 

“Okay?” Peggy asks. 

Maria takes another deep breath, wrangling her fear under control, and nods. 

“Okay,” she repeats. 

Peggy pulls her gently forwards, all worry and softness. 

“Can I hug you?” 

Maria nods, and Peggy pulls her close. 

Miserable, Maria lets her head rest on Peggy’s shoulder, and just lets Peggy hold her until she feels calm again. 

Still, dinner is subdued, and Maria has a hard time finishing her meal, delicious as it is. Herc is quiet too, though he plucks Maria’s untouched satay chicken skewer off her plate and eats it for her. The mango salad is fresh and crisp, the satay chicken sweet and spicy, and Maria wishes she had the appetite to enjoy it. 

After dinner, she makes her excuses and heads home, unable to shake the unsettled feeling in her bones.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ao3 please let me answer comments.

Anxiety follows Maria everywhere. 

It follows her to bed at night and chews at her sides so that sleep comes late and doesn’t stay long. It follows her around in the morning no matter how much she cleans, no matter how well she looks after Theo and Aaron. 

It follows her to work and makes her spill drinks and drop things. It lives in the tremble of her fingertips, the unreliable flutter of her heart, the way she jumps at every noise or touch. 

She tries to swallow it, tries to sit on it, tries to leave it behind, to no avail. 

She doesn’t know how to move past her and Peggy’s not-kiss, doesn’t know how to move past the heavy way Herc looked at her. There’s a change in the air and she doesn’t know how to live with it, doesn’t know how to breathe in it. 

It follows her to John and Lafayette’s apartment, rests in the gentle flow of night air on her and Peggy’s linked and swinging hands. 

Maria feels like everything is fragile and new and a half step from breaking. 

“Hey,” Herc leans in towards her as Peggy lets her go to catch John and Lafayette in a squealing, laughing, hug. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Maria says, brave smile that she doesn’t feel inside. 

“Okay. You let me know if you need anything, alright?” Herc smiles back at her, and they step into the party. 

Lafayette greets Maria with an enthusiastic smile and blows her an air kiss. 

“Maria! Can I get you a drink?” John asks, swaying slightly. 

“I can get something,” she replies shyly.

“Psssh, no. No bartending when you’re not at work, I’ve got you. Margarita?” He offers. “You can supervise, if you really want.” He offers her his arm, and Maria takes it tentatively, lets him lead her into the enormous kitchen. 

“Okay, okay, so, first you need a glass,” John slurs. 

“That’s a good start,” Maria says. She lets go of John’s arm and hops up to sit on the counter. 

He weaves across the kitchen and retrieves a plastic cup from a lopsided stack of them, and brings it back over. 

“And then, are you ready for this? Then, you need a margarita in there!” John throws his hands in the air, and grabs a blender full of frothy green slush. He pours it into Maria’s cup - and onto the floor, and replaces the blender on its stand clumsily. 

“Oops, floor needs a drink too,” John mutters. He pulls the dish towels off the stove handle and drops them on top of the mess. 

“Tada! How’d I do?” John turns to Maria, beaming drunkenly, and she laughs and gives him two thumbs up. 

“Perfect,” she says, and takes a sip of her drink. 

The evening seems to move on fast forward from that point forwards. 

Between John’s drunken cajoling and her nerves, Maria finds herself doing shots over the kitchen sink with John and a pretty French person named Adrienne. 

In the livingroom, Herc, Peggy, Lafayette, and a bunch of people that Maria doesn’t know start up the karaoke machine. 

The party grows louder and more chaotic, and more chaotic as more people filter in through the door, and Maria gets a little lost in it all. The dancing, the laughing, the bad singing and the shouting. She whirls from John to Peggy to Herc to Lafayette to Adrienne who cups her face in their hands and squeals “I’d just eat you right up if you weren’t spoken for!” and kisses her on the tip of the nose before Maria even knows what happened. They disappear again before Maria can ask what they meant, leaving Maria alone for a moment until she spots Lafayette. 

Lafayette coaxes her to dance with him for a while, and Peggy tries to get her to sing, but Maria wants to sink into the floor and disappear at the very thought, so she shakes her head no and looks around until John rescues her and sloshes another margarita into her hand. 

Herc shows up shortly after and pushes a plate of snacks into Maria’s hand, tells her with mock sternness to sit down and share it with John, so she does, right there on the kitchen floor. 

That’s where Peggy finds her, much later, leaning up against the kitchen cabinets, her head on John’s shoulder and his head leaning against hers, empty plate balanced on John’s knee. 

“Time to go home, princess. You wanna sleep over at our place? It’s closer,” Peggy reaches down with both hands, helps Maria up, and then John when he pouts sleepily at her. 

Maria nods, and lets her head fall to Peggy’s shoulder with a sleepy, happy sigh. The room sways and spins a little, and she loops her arm around Peggy’s waist for balance. 

Getting her shoes on is a challenge that ends with both her and Peggy in a tangle on the floor, laughing helplessly, tears streaming down their faces until Herc finally finishes saying goodbye to Lafayette, and shows up to rescue them. 

“What the hell happened out here?” He asks, laughing. 

“We should never have let John have her unsupervised,” Peggy wails, laughing so hard she can’t sit up. 

Maria is helpless, loose and giggly and too drunk to stand on her own. 

“Good lord,” Herc mutters. He kneels between them and helps Maria sit up with gentle hands. Carefully, he puts her shoes on her feet and laces them up. 

Maria watches him, feeling that fragile softness in the air again that makes her want to hold her breath so it doesn’t break. 

Herc looks up at her, and Maria feels frozen, fear and desire both making her bones heavy and uncooperative. 

“Come on, let’s get you home,” he stands back up, helps Peggy up first, then Maria, and helps both of them into their coats. 

The walk home is a blur. Maria holds Peggy’s hand with one hand, and eats a piece of pizza she’s not sure how she acquired with the other. 

Peggy chatters away happily, and Herc bursts into song at one point, loud and gleeful, reducing Maria and Peggy to another helpless fit of giggles. 

By the time they get back to the apartment, Maria just wants to sleep. She feels heavy all over, her grasp on the things around her tenuous at best. She stumbles on her way into the living room, caught by Herc, who holds her gently upright. 

“Man you’re drunk,” he says with a little laugh. 

“Are you mad?” Maria asks, fear shooting through her, sudden and strong. 

“What? No, why would I be mad? I’m drunk too, just like… not as drunk.” he lets her go when she finds her feet. “You’re allowed to have fun and get falling down drunk if you want to. Come on, let Peggy help you to bed, and we’ll go get shitty, greasy breakfast in the morning, okay peach?” 

“Okay,” Maria nods, and flops down on her back on the couch. The room spins around her, and she laughs. 

“Do you want to sleep on the couch alone, or in Herc’s bed with me, Maria?” Peggy asks. She tosses a pair of soft pajama shorts and a tank top onto Maria’s lap. 

“Ummmm,” Maria watches the water spot on the ceiling spin for a long moment. “Couch.” She decides, feels too out of her own body to want it to be next to someone else. 

“Okay. Come on though, lets get you changed and your teeth brushed, and then you can sleep, alright? Herc and I will sleep in Herc’s bed, and we’ll be right there if you need anything okay?” Peggy holds out her hands, wiggles her fingers entreatingly. 

Maria lets her pull her upright, and they wobble to the bathroom together. 

Maria feels half asleep already as she brushes her teeth. She slumps against Peggy and lets her help her change into pajamas and lead her back to the couch. 

She’s asleep the moment her head hits the pillow, alcohol dragging her under.

 

~*~

 

When Maria wakes up, everything feels soft and warm and hazy. Her mouth is dry, tongue glued to the roof of her mouth. She doesn’t want to sit up, doesn’t want to know how bad her head is going to pound once she’s fully awake. 

The living room is sunny and warm, and the couch smells like Peggy’s shampoo. 

Slowly, the sounds of the morning begin to filter in. Birds outside the window chirp happily, and far below, the faint sound of cars and people rushing by. 

She can hear people walking around on the floor above, and the hum of electronics. 

Beyond that, she can hear the faint sounds of someone having sex. 

Maria rubs her hands over her face and sits up slowly. Her head throbs, and she wants to go back to bed, but there’s no way she’ll fall back asleep now that she’s awake. 

She stands up and gathers her clothes from the night before, pads quietly down the hall to the bathroom to change. 

It’s not until she has her jeans halfway on that she belatedly realizes that the sounds of sex are way closer than they should be, unless…

The realization that those sounds are Herc and Peggy sends ice water through Maria’s veins. 

Her heart sinks, hangover forgotten, all that fragile softness crumbling at her feet. 

Despondent, Maria finishes dressing. 

She leaves the bathroom quietly, feeling absolutely crushed. She can’t help but think of all the moments of softness, the almost kiss, the way Peggy plays with her hair, Herc tying her shoes, the way Herc looked at her on his bed the other day, Peggy gently shaking her wrists…

All of it so heavy and so raw edged with pain. 

Maria folds up the bedding and scrawls a note on the whiteboard on the fridge.

_had to leave early, sorry._

_-M_

She slips her shoes on, and slips quietly out of the apartment, shutting the door behind herself. 

At the elevator, she looks back down the hall at the closed door to Herc’s apartment, and she can’t help but feel like it’s the last time she’ll see it. 

Fear and desire rise up to war in her chest again, tugging her insides this way and that, making it hard to breathe and harder to think. She rides the elevator down to the street and starts for home, barely seeing in front of her, caught between want and fear and despair. 

By the time she arrives home, she’s on the verge of tears. 

She kicks off her shoes and shuts the door, drops her purse on the bench in the entryway. 

“Maria?” Theo calls from the kitchen. 

Maria hates this, hates the once again she’s coming home to Theo a wreck. Hates the once again, she can’t pick up the pieces of herself, that she’s upset beyond words, that she’s too weak to get a grip on her emotions. 

She pads into the kitchen, biting down hard on her lower lip, struggling for control. 

“I thought I heard you get home, I have some news!” Theo says, all smiles, but then she sees Maria’s face and she’s on her feet in an instant. “Oh honey what happened, what’s wrong?”

That’s all it takes for Maria to burst into tears, shaking her head, hating herself for how much of a fool she is, how she can’t even put words to why she hurts so much. 

Theo folds her into her arms, rocks her gently, kisses the side of her head, like so many times before. 

“Shh, easy baby, I’ve got you,” Theo murmurs, and her kind words give Maria permission to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how is this over already?
> 
> thank you everyone who read this and joined me in rarepair hell, I love you all. I'm going to try my hardest to get the next installment up tomorrow evening, but for sure by the end of this week, promise! 
> 
> (and no I'm not sorry about the cliffhanger)

**Author's Note:**

> I have descended into rarepair hell. please leave me some love. <3


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